u/DiaboliCultor

Guys there is this gay I have met officially last year. Today it is more than a year now that we know each other. After couple days we have met we become close friends. Frequently I have had a crush on him and thought he was the same. After like a month I opened myself to him and told him I like him. He said he likes me as well but as a friend. After a few weeks things got worse and I became toxic. Then I have suggested that we should cut off our relationship and not to see each other anymore due to my toxic behaviour. He said “no, give us another chance. we can do it”. I said ok and things went same like two months and kept worsening. I had the gut to break up with him as a “friend” at August and we didnt talk till this January. Then he somehow managed to deceive me to be friends again. Btw I couldnt forget him during those months. I always thought about him he was always on my mind. And he said it was same for him as well. Right after a month our relationship started to be toxic again and it is the worst as of today. It has been two weeks since the last time I talked to him. I know he loves me as much as I love him. But he will never admit. I know that he is very religious and we live in a very homophobic country. I am writing to ask you a favour. How can I get rid of him off my mind, my heart. Cause the longest period we have not seen and have not talked each other was those 4 months. I really tried to stay over him but apparently it didnt work. I need to know how to move on. Cause he will never pulls off of me. I have to do this which I am unable to do so. My brain knows and says the right thing to do. but my heart wont let me do it.