This started around a year ago, I've always fantasized about being an artist, inspiring people with my work, drawing so effortlessly and expressing my own emotions through it since I find it hard to express them normally I've always been captivated by other artists, I used to have a completely positive view on art until recently, every single time I see a good drawing or a post, this immediate feeling of jealousy floods me entirely, I can't even look at a post anymore without feeling like this, I can't even open apps like tik tok or twitter because the first thing I'm flooded with is amazing art and animations that I know took time and effort to get to be made. I know it's unreasonable and I know that if I keep putting in the effort and pushing myself I will get to the level I want, I know that this jealousy is dumb and that I need to get over it because it will get me nowhere
I remember this one week where I didn't have any school work or classes to attend so I fixated on drawing so much. I kept drawing for hours every day, I set alarms to wake up super early just to draw, I drank a shit ton of coffee to keep me awake just to keep trying to improve and find what I'm looking for. I felt so behind, I keep seeing people who are much younger than me drawing something so beautiful and I feel awful for not being able to do the same. I wanted to improve so badly and after that week I couldn't even draw anymore, all I do is compare compare and compare myself to others
This post is a whole lot of nonsense, I apologize if it's confusing but I really want to break out of whatever this is. I want to love my art and stop throwing it out every single time I'm not satisfied with it, I want to have a positive view on other works and be inspired by them instead of frustrated and jealous, I want to create beautiful things too and bring my ideas to life
Maybe all of this had a simple solution, and maybe I'm overreacting and I just need to put in more practice, stop treating art as a competition and do other things other than art to balance things out (art is the only thing consuming my thoughts lately) but I just don't know, I really don't know, I feel so lost