I keep repeating a friendship pattern and I don’t know how to fix it
I’ve noticed a pattern in myself since school and I genuinely want to fix it.
Whenever I get close to a new friend or group, I naturally start spending more time with them and end up unintentionally neglecting my older friends. It’s not done out of malice or because I stop caring about them — I just subconsciously get absorbed into the newer dynamic.
Then if things become unstable with the new group, I end up reconnecting more with my old friends again, which I now realize can make people feel like they’re only there when convenient.
Recently, one of my close friends from college started acting a lil cold towards me so i didn’t hesitate and asked her what was the problem and she told me she felt like a “side quest” after our old group split because I went back to another group and seemed to prioritize them more and always talked to the others more. I didn’t get defensive that why didn't you ask me this question months ago when u started feeling luke this or whatever, because honestly she was right, and I told her I’m aware this is a pattern and want to work on it.
I have lost 2 friends for the same reason in highschool that i didn’t pay them attention when i find new friends
The problem is that I don’t even realize I’m doing it while it’s happening. I swear it has not malice intent or me getting bored of them, It just happens. Has anyone else dealt with this? How do you stop unintentionally sidelining people when new friendships/groups enter your life?