Boot camp horror story: The day a Marine’s asshole declared independence during the PFT and he still finished the run.
When we had our initial PFT then did the whole stretch thing after with the CDI on the raised frame, one of the guys next to me was muttering to himself. I said, “Lake you better shut up before someone comes over here.” He said, “I shit myself on the run.”
I paused, processed, and said, “You did what…?” He said, “I shit myself on the run.” Me and my buddy Swank started to chuckle. The asked him if he still had it. He said he did. Now we are really trying not to draw attention while we’re looking for the turd bulge in the bottom of his skivvies.
Well, that drew the attention of the J hat which was straight no none sense. He came over and asked what the fucks so funny. Then lake dropped one of the best one liners I’ve ever heard.
“This recruit shit himself sir.” The DI’s face went blank then to confusion and said, “You what?” He said a little bit louder and with frustration in his voice, “Sir, this recruit shit himself sir.”
The DI said, “You’re fucking kidding me.” Now Swank and I are clearly having a hard time holding it in. He tells us to shut the fuck up then looks at Lake and says, “So…Is it still in there or did it fall out?” He said, “It’s still there sir.” He then asked if its greasy or solid, Lake said its solid.
The DI goes, “Hold on. Don’t move. I don’t want it falling out.” He then walks to the CDI which leans down so the DI can yell him what happened. The CDI shoots up, looks directly at Lake with the most annoyed and bewildered look on his face and just slightly shakes his head.
The DI comes back and says, “Alright, here’s what you’re going to do. As soon as we’re done you’re going to get up and speed walk to the barracks, wash your ass and change. If anyone stops you, you don’t tell them why. You just tell them to come talk to me and I told you to get back and don’t stop.”
Now Swank and I can’t hold in the laughter. I thought we were going to get smoked, but he just looked at us and looked at Lake and said, “Don’t tell anyone about this. Even these two knowing is too much.”
Well, stretches ended and we immediately got in formation to go back. He said, “Well, I guess you’re shuffling on the way back.”
That’s one of the funniest things I’ve ever witnessed and now that I think back, that dude is a bit legendary. Not only did he refuse to tap out when it happened, he finished the LAST MILE with a loaf in his pants. We should have started calling him Chocolate Thunder. But he’s black so I don’t think that would have gone over well. I wonder where’s he’s at today?