Cannot stay sober
I’ve come to Reddit because I feel like I’ve got nowhere else to go. I’m a 21F and have been struggling with a coke addiction for almost a year now. It started just on weekends and at work events with certain colleagues. It was never a problem. Start of this year I got into an abusive/controlling relationship (now out of it) and cocaine is the only thing that makes me feel ok. It’s the only thing I think about. I had a breakdown after I ran out one night and couldn’t get more which made me hurt myself so bad I had to go hospital. I was only sober because I was under supervision by friends and family. Since then I will do it at home on my own. My friends all think I’m clean but on nights out I’m secretly doing it in the toilet. I hate lying to them but I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t stop and part of me feels so ashamed. I don’t know what to do. I really feel like I can’t go without it. I’m spending around £600 a month on it. I guess my question is how do I get clean?