u/DesignerWall5390

The only reason I came today was to see you but I forgot it wasn’t the right day.

I’m in a playful mood right now and hopefully you’ll match my energy tomorrow.

I always noticed you noticing me. You were hard for me to read at first. I just assumed you had very clear boundaries. So I mostly avoided eye contact for awhile, out of respect for you. I figured that your glances were coincidental.

But one day I chose to look up at you, You said, "Hi." The way I said hi back, I don't know how to explain the energy but it caught me off guard.

That was the first time I wondered if maybe your noticing was a curiosity of me.

I do feel like you inch your way toward me. Like you almost cant help yourself. I find that flattering. The way you let me know, through others, of something we had in common for a time, seemed intentional. Maybe not but...

Either way, it was an opening for me. I took it. An excuse to talk. An excuse to test if that moment was a fluke. It wasn't.

Every time, every brief interaction, it catches me by surprise. There's something about your energy that both comforts and excites me.

I start out sure of myself but then become distracted when, mid sentence, I realize how I want to press into knowing you and have to think about hiding it so no one sees me wanting.

I try to come off matter of fact/professional but I don't think I'm actually hiding from you the way I think I am. You're not hiding from me either, not really. I think I surprised you too. Hopefully we are both hiding it from others at least.

I think you would be direct if you could be. I could be wrong but it seems that your restraint feels unnatural to you. Not that you wouldn't test the waters but I think there would be far less ambiguity.

The last couple days, we've kept missing moments. I could have come talked to you today. I almost did. I hesitated and the moment passed.

I wish we could some how quietly acknowledge it. I think it's healthier than never knowing and overthinking.

Mutual respect and admiration are gifts. They can exist on their own. It's the not knowing that makes it seem painful. But what I'm saying requires trust.

Perhaps that sort of trust in this situation is a fantasy. Perhaps it's not the easy space I think it would be. It would be so easy if we could just be friends.