I am after some outside opinions and what others make of this.
20 years ago i had a combined bucks party / hens party with my now wife, at this party my now father in law had a physical altercation with a man who was a couple of years older than me and a friend of a friend, my wife stepped in and gave this man a few stern words and he stormed off and punched a pole which split his fist open. I was never told what it was all about but just that they had a disagreement.
A couple of years latter my wife and this same man who was fighting began spending alot of time together volunteering on developing a committee for a new sporting event, at the time i was not happy about the amount of time they were spending together. During this period i was working night shift and a good friend of mine from out of town was staying at my house overnight and attended a community party with my wife, a couple of days latter my wife told me that my friend had entered our bedroom that night after she had gone to bed and asked if she would like one last drink for a night cap but she said no and he left, i thought it strange that she would tell me this out of the blue a couple of days after and had already thought my friend was acting strange aswell.
A couple of weeks latter i attended a bbq where the man who was fighting at my bucks party was attending, i became annoyed at this party about seperate issue and went home with my wife, the following morning i was sitting eating breakfast when my wifes phone that was sitting on the kitchen table received a text i glanced at her phone and seen the message from the fighting man that said “how is your crazy man this morning?” I was pissed about this but said nothing until a few weeks latter when i asked my wife what she responded to this message, she said “i didn’t get a message”.
A few months latter i found my wife laying on our bed sobbing her eyes out, i tried to comfort her and questioned what was wrong but she pushed me away and said she can’t talk about it.
Fast forward 17 years and i accidentally discover a chain of private message on fb between my wife and her ex boyfriend from before we were together, i questioned my wife about this secret communication which had been going on for our entire marriage and although all the messages were innocent chatting her reaction got my suspicions up as she became angry and defensive. Eventually she told me after 2 years of me pushing for information that her sexual relationship with her ex continued into our relationship but can’t tell me when it ended because she doesn’t remember.
i then asked if anything ever happened between her and the man that was fighting all those years ago to which she replied “ i never really liked him”.
This has got me thinking that maybe i have missed alot of warning signs in the past and the fighting man could have been one of these.
It is a terrible feeling and i have gone down the rabbit hole replaying everything over and over trying to recall it all as i am unsure now if what i have is truth or all lies.
What does everyone think?
tl;dr
have discovered wife has not been completely honest and am struggling to find out the extent if it.