u/Dependent-Barber7147

When I confessed to my LO (in a really bad timing) she said “look I see you and the other group as friends, this whole situation is making me feel uncomfortable and I feel like I need to disengage” when she said I felt so awful because I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable. So instead of giving her space like any other normal person. I’m been sending her texts just apologising and trying to move on from this because I was afraid of losing her. But I made matters worse and now I lost her

So please if you are confessing or someone telling you to give them space. DO IT AND LET GO if you wanted to keep them as a friend, you don’t want to end up like I been through because is fxcking sucks

Taking a hard look in the mirror lately. A few months ago, I found an amazing online fandom group that quickly became like family to me. I ended up falling hard for one of the girls in the group, but I let my own jealousy over her friendship with another guy completely take over.

I caused unnecessary drama, awkwardly confessed my feelings, and when she understandably asked for space, I panicked. Instead of backing off, I suffocated her with apology after apology until it crossed the line into harassment.

I ended up getting blocked and lost about 15 amazing friends overnight. At first, I lashed out in anger and blamed them on my stories, but reality has hit me hard: I was the problem. I let my insecurities and lack of boundaries ruin a great thing, and I’m deeply disappointed in myself for how I treated people I cared about. It’s a painful lesson, but I'm learning the hard way how important it is to respect people's space and manage my own emotions.

I’ve had to learn the hard way that you can’t "apologize" someone back into your life when you've already crossed their boundaries. I tried to go back and fix things in January, but all I did was cause more pain and prove that I still wasn't listening. Seeing their reaction and hearing some harsh truths about my own behavior was the wake-up call I never wanted but definitely needed.

I’ve spent a lot of time recently just sitting with the regret. I realized that my obsession with that group was really just a distraction from how much I’ve been neglecting my own life. I’ve reached a point where I don’t even trust myself with new opportunities because I’m so afraid of repeating these patterns.

Somewhere in September I talked to this 27F in my fandom, she was so nice and entertaining. She made a group chat inviting her moots including me a well. We (the group) talked about everything like “how it going” or “life stories” we pretty much talked like a family and I love them dearly in my heart at the time. In Nov 27F was talking about how she liked spiders, haven’t been dating ever (which is hard to believe) and said how she got a spider man tattoo and in that moment I felt in love. In mid November one night I decided to flirt with her, not like sexually but romantic like “when I look at you, golden hours plays in my heart” she takes that so well, thinking that I was sweet. So I kept going, the group notices that they started to ship us.

But there was this one guy a 19M who him and her were a state closer each other, when they found that out they were best of friends and I think there’s nothing wrong with that. BUT he was kinda flirting her… oh wait sorry “roleplay as there oc” as they called it. They were doing it so much that I was starting to get jealous and fyi this guy has a girlfriend. when I was confessed my feelings and tell them about my jealousy to one the people in the group on dms they say “don’t worry about, I don’t think she wanted to date a very young guy and 19M is been with her girlfriend for 3 years” so I was trying not to think about it

On Dec 20th I was releasing that I have been overthinking so I was thinking to take a break but… if I do that I have literally no one to talk to because back then I don’t have anyone to talk or hangout locally so pretty much the group is the only people who I talk to so I stayed. The 27F and 19M were jokingly flirting again 27F called him “bae” but not realising she called everyone “bae” but they were doing it too much that on of the people in the group called them out because she thinks that is pretty sus saying to the 19M “why do you talk to her like this, you know you have a girlfriend right?” But of course I also interfered as well say “you guys been calling each other baes, reposting each other posts and role playing in sexual matter” then she got upset

So I feel like that I think I gotten too far and I let my jealousy over come me. So I went to her dm’s apologies for how I was judging her friendship with the 19M BUT stupidly I confessed my feelings to her like it was a fucking romantic movie. She responds “hey, I appreciate the apology but I look at you and the group as friends and this is making feel uncomfortable that I feel like I need to disengage and it’s not fun” now you think as a responsible person I would give her some space but nope, I panicked and sent her a apology message like probably 2 times after that but she didn’t respond which is reasonable. I felt so awful that day not because of the rejection but making her feel uncomfortable.

So during the week I probably sent like 2 or 3 more messages saying how sorry I am and trying my best to fix things with her. Which is getting to the point where I’m just harassing her. Not like “why are you not responding” or “please come back” but it was getting to that expression but my dumbass didn’t realise what I’m doing is creepy. Dec 27 I decided to give her a long text about how really sorry like really long. after that I went to sleep though that I did something proud and this will be over soon. I woke up looked at my phone and realising that I got kicked out of that group and get blocked by them but I see a tweet from the 27F saying something about how I was guilt tripping her (which is true) and saying idgaf, “it’s not my fault that you feel the way you feel” so I dm her saying “I wasn’t trying to guilt trip you, can we please talk?” Then she finally responded back saying “look dude, you been harassing me and I honestly do not need this” Turns out my worried about losing one friend turned into losing about 10 - 15 friends.

So after that I felt heartbroken and embarrassed, I deleted my twitter account. So after about 15 minutes that sadness turned into anger I decided to post a story on instagram saying “good riddance, I don’t want to be with does losers anyways” like back then I thought there were backstabbing me like they are the problem but in reality I was the problem. I’m the one who did this to myself and I disappointed my friends who treated me like family and disappointed in myself for behaving so badly.

Now at this point you think I wouldn’t just let it go and moved on but nope at Jan 27 I decided to come back to twitter and send a apology to them and yes it’s one of those TED talk kinda apology’s. I did it because I couldn’t let go what felt like home, After I sent that tweet turns out I just embarrassed myself even more. Half of them blocked me but one of them decided to reply with honestly saying “if you really sorry then let us go” getting that impression that they really do not want anything to do with me anymore but also that 19M replies as well saying “are you just a miserable bastard Who just lays in bed all day and having love fantasy of someone who doesn’t think of you that way, so why can you do us a favour and leave us alone” but also everytime I reply I was playing as the victim and I was replying “I’m a walking redflag” so I was begging to come back atp but I realise that 19M is telling the truth, he also called me a hypocrite because he saw that Insta story that I what said about them and then I got accused of stalking them because I think I committed on her post. So once again I deleted my twitter account and never made one since and I stopped contacting her and the group for real this time. After I actually cried. I never cried since like forever but I finally realised that they are gone and I’ll never get them back

So in Feb I tried my best trying to forget about her and the group but it was so hard and when I was trying to let go one of them dm my instagram account saying “leave her alone” because I’m guessing she was venting of how I came back on twitter she’s afraid that I might come back. Also I found out that someone is sending hateful comments on her fan fiction page that of course she thinks it was me. I WAS SO DONE that I deactivated my instagram account, blocking every single one of them on every social media.

During the Feb - March everynight I was thinking about the situation and when I was thinking really deeply. I kinda getting the feeling of… hating myself and it’s not because of that situation it’s because I don’t do anything for myself. All I do is lay in bed and feel sorry for myself. I don’t have a job, I don’t study and I don’t even hangout with friends outside. Also when I think of the shitty things I did I decided to punishing myself, I was not in a headspace. Like I got this great job opportunity from the people I’m really good friends with but I decided not to go for it because I’m afraid that I would become obsessed and ruin the friendship that we had. I SERIOUSLY DO NOT TRUST MYSELF ANYMORE.

April - May. I was scrolling through TikTok that’s is where I found the word limerence. So I decided to joined this subreddit and reading some of the posts and it helped me knowing that I’m not the only one. The good news is that right I’m starting to forget about the mistake I did , I’m still not in a good headspace but at least I still got some friends who still cares about me and that all it matters. Right now I’m just focusing on myself and going to metal concerts lol

Thank you for reading 🤍