u/DentdeLion_

Hi all...sorry about the lengh but I needed to let this out. The preface is probably going to be longer than the actual story but the context it brings is needed.

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To preface this : my symptoms started back when I was about 11 years old, even before my first period, my mother was quite dismissive back then and when our relationship turned sour she was outright hurtful with the things she would say (about a lot of stuff, including what I didn't yet were my flare ups).

Through the years I basically had to fight on my own. My paternal grandma would take me to appointments, but wouldn't really trust the research I was doing and just thought I was rude for trying to offer an alternative route to explore (although she did fight my corner later on and/or when doctors were outright misogynistic).
Long story short in november 2024, right before my 25th birthday, I got surgery and ended up diagnosed with pcos (that was dismissed in 2017 without testing me for it), adenomyosis (caught in august 2024 during my last mri) and severe multifocal endometriosis that evaded the dozens and dozens of ultrasounds (internal and external)/MRIs/scans and had my endo specialist shook.

At this point, my mother and I had began to mend our relationship but as I was calling her from my hospital bed, crying after being diagnosed she said "well I just read about it (meanwhile it had been about 9 years that some doctors were suspecting it after i brought it up but done f*ck all) and I'm glad that you're cured now". And when I went on explaining her that it's incurable and that the surgeon suggested I go on artificial menopause she scoffed and told me not to do it. Of course I did and then months later when I brought up that I felt good and that I was glad to have barely any side effects from the menopause, she was bewildered and called me basically weak and lazy for choosing the easy option to not have periods.

Then my sibling was also diagnosed with endo. By then our mother was starting to take it more seriously - in part because I had decided to be honest and not lie when she would call and ask how i was doing. I think that and seeing me in a flare when I was visiting, helped her understand the seriousness of it all. And she had stopped making unwanted comments about anything revolving our bodies (not that she did that a lot before), our choices as far as treatment went (it probably did help that my sibling was just begining their training as a nurse) or potential grandchildren.

To be perfectly clear I love my mom, even though I'm aware that this post doesn't bring forward her best sides. She's had a complicated life that's still not easier today as she's watching her husband (ourfather) still struggle with chronic pains and side effects from his two cancers about 10 years ago, and her father die in slow motion from alzheimer's when he isn't even 70 (he was 60 yet when he was diagnosed). And that's just the tip of the iceberg.

Bottom line is : although she hasn't been perfect all the time, she's my mother and I love and want to support her. It's not really her fault that she needed time to process everything that's happened to her (especially since she never had a healthy role model) and to be fair there must have been a part of denial because I can understand how scary it must be to see your child suffer and not know what to do because doctors keep saying it's all in your child's head - and then later coming to the realisation that you dropped the ball because you didn't encourage your kid when they started advocating for themselves when there was actually something wrong.

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So today I was resting from a mild flare, as you do, when I suddenly hear my phone ringing. It's my mother and after asking about my day etc she tells me that she has something to explain. Long story short her doctor is suspecting endo because of the issues she's experimenting with her peri-menopausal state and salso because of my sibling's and I diagnoses. She then began to tell me about the options he offered her. And she was curious to know my thoughts about them because she knew i had been on some of these meds before (namely dienogest/visanne, enantone, ryeqo etc). We did have a conversation about everything but it's like I switched of my emotions and became very detached, suddenly I wasn't talking to my mother and I was talking to a patient (probably worth mentionning, if everything goes right I should soon be a certified psychologist) which I know is not healthy. But yeah it was the only way I could find to answer her questions and being supportive without getting caught up in our past.

Moving forward, if she does happen to have endo (which I'm not sure they'll even officially check for something else other than fibroids for some reason) or even if it's something else, I really want to be present and supportive during ulterior chats but I'm really not sure how to. It was really easy for me to do this with my sibling but right now i'm stumped.

If anyone has any advice I'm all ears !