u/Dense_Panda_4752

Idk if this is the right question here, marked NSFW cause of the topics. I (F23) dont know what to do, who to ask for help, who to even go to for help, but things have been falling apart lately. My "friends" say I have a drinking and pill problem, but I just don't think I agree. Thursday is when it kind of all came to a head. I got yelled at by 2 different people, my only 2 support systems, and. 1 straight up telling me they can't be there for me anymore. I've been told I drink a lot, idk how much, maybe 2 1.75L bottles or more equivalent a week, but pills are my bigger thing. I dont think I'm an addict tho. I don't think I need hell. Someone said look into rehab or something, but I can't even afford it. I still work. I still do things that I'm supposed to in life. I don't go around picking fights, I just get drunk and high. After Thursday idk anymore. It was a pretty bad episode. I woke up on my friends couch to them yelling at me when the last thing I remember was an appointment. I borrowed money from them without me remembering to buy good and beer apparently, and then I looked through the texts between us, and then other people. Idk. I don't think I need help. I don't want help. I'll get people their money back. I just don't want to lose my friends cause I don't have anyone else. I thought after high-school I got this stuff all under control, I don't do opioids anymore regularly like I used to, or Adderall. Thursday was the only really bad episode I've had in a while, but not everyone wants me to get clean. If I can get up during the day, pay back my debts, functions day to day, am I really even an addict? Please, idk where else to go