Having a really hard time taking care of myself during follicular phase
I'm sorry for the rant, I need to get this off my chest and this community is my only safe space during this process. Thank you for being here. 🫂
(30F) Before starting TTC, I had a very good relationship with my body. Thanks to my therapist, my nutritionist, and my personal trainer, I achieved a balance and peace that I had needed for many years. And before we started trying last summer, my BF and I even went to couples’ therapy to make sure we were ready and that our relationship was ready, started going to the gym together, got checked with our respective doctors, made a savings account for the baby and took vitamins/supplements for 3 cycles. I was so ready physically and mentally. But this TTC journey is awakening a lot of hatred and resentment in me towards my body. If I'm doing everything right, if I'm doing my best, why isn't my body doing what it's supposed to do? Every month, with every negative test, I can't help but reproach it: "You only had one job". It echoes louder and louder in my head. Every month it gets harder to take care of myself during my period. I don't feel like eating healthy, I don't feel like socializing, I don't feel like exercising, I don't feel like going outside for some fresh air. All I want is to stay in bed crying and waiting for the days to pass quickly until my next fertile window. And I feel like I can't satisfy that selfish side of me that tells me to let myself rot in my sadness for a few days because otherwise, I might compromise the next ovulation. It's exhausting.
Also if one☝️more single friend or family member tells me to “just relax” and that “it’ll happen when the right time comes” I am going to end up in cuffs.
Thank you for coming to my ted talk. I really needed this. 🫂