u/Delicious-Nobody-139

Lately, I've been having really bad stomach pains and I have gone to the ER because of it. Whenever I tell my mom about it, she simply downplays it. I had to make the appointment myself because she doesn't find urgency in it. I wanted to get the appointment soon because my stomach pain was starting to interfere with my everyday life. She told me that there was no urgency and I'm not dying, even though I have told her several time about these pains. I just started to cry when she said that because I find it so incredibly inconsiderate of her to say. I feel like I'm not being take seriously and I would never speak to my daughter like that. She also did the same thing when I told her I wanted to get a lung test to see if I had asthma (turns out I did). She got so mad at me for asking her that and she said that I think I had everything. She told me that I wouldn't have it, but we ended up going anyway. When we found out that I had mild asthma, she told me she knew all along. (I swear I almost crashed out.) Whenever I'm around my mom and I tell someone that I have asthma, she corrects me and says "mild". But asthma is asthma, so where does she think she's getting at? This makes me feel so horrible, and when I was little, I used to see my mother in such a different light. But lately, I see her differently. I also have severe OCD and she makes jokes about it at times. She'll be like, "Oh! This paper is not straight, look I'm like you. My OCD is acting up." Like that's not a joke. Also, my mom has only ever apologized to me once in my life. I feel uncomfortable even displaying my emotions around her. I get uncomfortable apologizing to her because growing up, she never taught me what forgiveness was. She also hates it when I cry and she gets so angry. I can't be myself with her, or stand being in a room with her alone. When I got diagnosed with depression, my mom didn't even discuss anything with me. The doctor told her over the phone, that I had depression and could get medication. My mom refused the meds and that was that. She never asked me about it, or checked in with me, or asked me how I was. That was the end of that. During that time, I was resorting to self-harm. She could have prevented me from getting worse if she really cared. My sister ended up noticing though, and she helped me get out of that horrible place. I thought mothers were supposed to be there to support you, and hold you when you're at your worst, but I guess that's not the case for me. We used to be so close, but as I get older, I realize the person she truly is. Of course I love my mom and I would do anything for her, but I don't get along with her and I feel like our relationship is becoming so toxic. Can anyone give me any tips? I feel like I have no one to talk to about this except for my sister and some friends but I need some non judgmental advice please.