Nobody told me this stuff; I had to find out through multiple heartbreaks. Life's a bitch, then you die. But after having three BTDT burned, ragged T-shirts, maybe I can save some of my younger brothers and sisters some heartache. I wish someone had done this for me.
One cheater and two narcissists in a row later, I find myself alone at age 70, with no children. I wish you all much better than what I had; you deserve it.
When asked "What are you looking for here?", I always say:
"Friends. Because if you're looking for love, looking for a soulmate, what you will find is a train wreck and a dumpster fire followed by life in hell. It's unfortunate but that's usually the way it works."
Because if you fall in love, your viewpoint will be subjective and your main focus will be keeping the relationship together and that's all that will matter to you.
So you ignore red flags, you don't talk about objectionable behavior and what you wind up doing is collecting bushel baskets full of rotten apples until you finally say "oh the hell with this; it isn't what I wanted at all!" and you leap from the Pinnacle of Love to the Pit of Despair and you find a train wreck and a dumpster fire and your life is hell.
So what you need to do is start off in friendship mode. And build that friendship carefully, piece by piece, no cracks in the foundation, keep your viewpoint objective and your eyes and ears open. That way if there are any problematic behaviors, things you don't like, you can discuss it and come to an agreement. Or if you can't, you know it's time to move on.
And then, once you built a good friendship you turn it into a bulletproof friendship, on a deeper level. And once you have that deep friendship that's bulletproof built, it will be very resilient and last through time.
No matter what.
And with that solid foundation you could consider branching off into another type of relationship, like Love.
So you stick your toesies into the River of Love. And if a piranha comes by and chews them off, you know that maybe that wasn't the thing to do, but possibly you could still salvage the friendship. And friendships are always useful.
Love is fragile. Menopause will kill passion., So passion will fade, love may die, but strong friendship will carry you through to the end of days with a smile.