The only credit I'll give this IG creator is if they developed these as a form of survival.
As the old saying goes, anything you do out of survival aren't things where you thrive. Here, we believe women thrive off masculine energy! If that's you, show yourself and leave a comment so us feminine guys know you're out there 🙂
Idk if there's anyone else here that feels the same way but I kinda wanna share this.
I'm a heterosexual male who has male typical hobbies with some interests considered feminine, but I want to share a story. For most of my life, I was the more emotional and empathetic one, and rather prefer following my emotions.
Growing up, when I was interested in exploring dating for the first time (basically asking 'how to talk to girls' or something like that), I was seeking out advice on how I could engage in it practically. One advice I got was 'be myself' but my thought was "that's what I'm already doing and nothing's happening."
From the guys who were active in dating and the girls that likely dated those guys, both of them pretty much advised me that I gotta be the one to make the first move, to continue the conversation, to be the one to start flirting and initiating, etc. I also got other sentiments like be alpha or be the leader, you gotta show her your dominance (not in an adversarial way, but in a protective way). (I swear, there were multiple moments women themselves told me I have to be a 'bit of an asshole' to the women I was interested in dating. I did not feel good upon hearing that).
During the same timeframe (i.e a couple years after that), I started working on my masculinity. I'll paint the difference between pre-masc and post-masc.
Pre-masc, I was someone who wouldn't interrupt when someone was talking, always listened, when someone made decisions I would follow along (unless I had something I really wanted to do, then I would voice that). When I wasn't sure of something that's opinion based i.e "i feel" "I think", I wouldn't be as assertive with it when someone pushes back. Even when I had differing opinions (on stuff like TV shows, characters, music and what not, not the serious stuff), I kept it to myself. That didn't mean I agree with the other person. I'm the type who'd say "that's nice" and move on with it. I'm the guy who shares my views and engage in discussion, I was never the type to engage in debates. I guess you could say I'm more polite in that sense. I was never the one to dominate conversations (by this, I mean being the one who talks or engaged with the most. It's not the same as extroversion, it's moreso being centered if anything), I would always give space to others (unless I really had something I felt was important to say), and generally speaking, I'm someone who has a reciprocal conversational style. I'm more likely to engage when someone leads the conversation, or has some level of back and forth where I don't feel like I'm the driver. These span from 1-on-1 to group situations, so it was pretty consistent. I also had a sense of humor too, but I find I enjoyed more jarring and more logic based humor (but the people around me found them odd or what not. Different kinds of sense of humor served them well socially, but I myself didn't enjoy that). When I meet women who showed confidence, assertiveness, decisiveness, forthrighteousness, etc, I found myself really liking that as opposed to what I usually see in my friend group, which I won't get into here.
Post-masc (the time where I was working on my masculinity), I was exhibiting different behaviour. I was making statements more often than not, adjusted my body language to adopt 'dominant' posture, I would try to find ways to initiate and control the conversation (i.e by coming up with topics to talk about and steer conversations towards if one conversation died. I watched shows that were supposed to teach me masculinity like Rocky, Ong Bak, Friday, Boyz in the Hood, Get Rich or Die Tryin, The Boondocks, some Bruce Lee clips, and even more modern shows like Cobra Kai and Ted Lasso (I still like these shows after my realization btw). What I find I enjoyed the most of these shows is not their general masculine behaviour (i.e speech patterns, body language moves), but the action and philosophy that was shared within it, even when I didn't agree with it. Even for sociable comedy ones like The Inbetweeners (it was less traditionally masculine, more about lad culture), I find I really enjoyed the dynamic between the 4 boys and lad culture. When they had scenes about those same guys talking to women using various stuff like humor, being the one to take the risk and ask first, being the one to initiate a kiss or sex first (sometimes just go for it), or handling conversation logistics ('i,e charm her a bit first'), I took that in as an educational point of what I should do in dating situations. I was also taught to find ways to 'make things happen'. This ranged from suggesting to do things first, or when they have plans, I would invite myself as a suggestion and see how they feel about it, to find ways to keep the night going, etc.
I was also mindful of my testosterone levels too like eating protein, exercising, etc. What I found is this helped my body functions, but it didn't have any effect on my behaviour.
Even during my dates with women, I found myself trying to identify opportunities to initiate flirting, to find the right things to say to show I'm the right kind of funny and interesting, I always prepared topics in advance so I don't have any blanks or let silence take over during dates (I usually draw blanks and kept silences going in my pre-masc phase). Even casually, I always had a very informative communication style, so I tried talking more casually to invoke emotion (i.e using simpler words, adjusting my tone to show emotions with words). When the time came to ask them out, I would do it (not before having a plan on where to have a date and how we get there to take care of logistics). When at certain high points, I would be the first to initiate cuddling and kissing. I should note that I didn't do anything different with my core. I still embraced my nerdy side and still expressed my some pre-masc behaviours I had presently. Those things weren't parts of me I tried hiding, but it was layered with the other things I described here on top.
I kept this phase going for a couple of years. I found that I was able to do them and make em seem natural, even got some success with it too. But deep down I noticed cognitive dissonance, persistent discomfort, and an overall inability to relax. Even when I got to kiss and cuddle them, it felt like I wouldn't have gotten there if it weren't for the things I developed on. This wouldn't have made a difference even if I had sex with them, and I was very sure of that. When I talk about them to my more masculine guy friends about this, they said they preferred doing the things i described above cuz it made them feel alive. This is what really stood out to me cuz I felt drained doing the same things they felt alive from.
(Note: If any of what I just said sounds bad to you or sounds odd, I get it. It was a decade ago since I started this. I'm a much different person now, which is kinda the point of this post anyways).
Even when I was working on this, during my private times, I still thought about more assertive, dominant women themselves. I've frequented porn and AVNs where she was the one in control, where she led interactions, where she was the sensual and gentle lover. I had fantasies where they pursue sex and dating pretty much how a masculine man would. I loved this in my pre-masc phase and I still love it now. There were some valuable things I've learned in my post-masc phase and I'll be thankful for that, but this had me questioning a lot of what I was doing up until then.
I then stepped away from dating and started exploring to see what parts of me changed and what stayed the same, and I did it from a place of relaxation to see how I naturally am. Long-story short, most things from my pre-masc phase is what emerged out of me naturally despite the years I put in to changing that. The only difference between that time and now is I have more self-awareness and came to terms with what's expected of me as a man (not just in traditional spaces, this includes progressive and alternative lifestyle ones as well) and what I actually want in my personal life.
It's crazy. Back then, I often hear talk about how 'society feminized men today' and 'most men aren't masculine men anymore' (I dated an ex gf that actually said this to me before I started working on my masculinity). I thought working on my masculinity would help me become masculine, it's crazy to see how engaging in that actually made me wanting to be the feminine one that much stronger. To put it in redpill lingo, I was supposed to kill the beta in me, but the beta is just too damn strong lmao. But seriously, I think some guys just have a predisposition where being that masculine man just comes naturally to them, even if they have to work on it (as long as that adaptation is natural to them, even if it's discomforting at first), whereas for me maybe it just wasn't a natural part of me to begin with, and that's why it felt very discomforting.
I want to know if there's any one else out there that's gone through something similar that I did. I understand most of us here have some experience of being expected to conform to the gender norm, but I wonder if they engaged in that in the same level I did back then, and how that made them feel when doing it?