I’ve been sitting with everything that happened, and I’m not going to pretend I don’t understand why you walked away. I let you down, more than once, and I didn’t do anything to change when it actually mattered. I made promises without backing them up, and over time that chipped away at your trust, your patience, and your peace. You didn’t deserve that form of love.
it was all my fault, not circumstances, my past, not timing, not anything else. Me. I didn’t push myself to grow, and I didn’t seek the help I needed, even when it was clear I was hurting you.
Losing you forced me to face parts of myself I kept avoiding. i went went to bootcamp and you were the only thing that kept me going but even then i hit rock bottom with the injury and the fallout of us. It made me realize how much damage I caused—not just to us, but to you as a person. Maybe God knocked sense into me but I carry a lot of guilt for that. I hate that I became someone who could hurt you the way I did. i became my father, the man i swore to be nothing like.
I’m not writing this to ask for anything from you. I understand if you never want to hear from me again, and I accept whatever distance you need. I just needed to take responsibility and say I’m truly sorry for the repeated hurt, for the broken trust, and for not becoming better when I had the chance to do it with you by my side.
What I can say is that I’m working on myself now—not just in words, but in actions. Not because I expect anything from you, but because I never want to be the reason someone feels the way I made you feel. You deserved consistency, honesty, and effort, and I failed to give you those things.
i hope, in time, life gives you everything you deserve peace, love, and someone who shows up for you in all the ways I didn’t.
I’m sorry for everything.