I’ve been homeless for 7 months now, I’m a 21 year old transgender man who voluntarily left home, I’m now living in my car.
I went from having a decent, domesticated life in a home to suffering in my car. I had a girl I just met at the time but platonically acquainted with living in my car with me for 5 of those 7 months, I recently had to kick her out as she couldn’t help herself and I couldn’t fend for two people. I’m glad I was able to get her though the severity of New England winter, but I’m living paycheck to paycheck now because of it, I used to have a bunch in savings. No good deed goes unpunished. My car’s ac broke but I can’t afford to fix it as summer approaches, and my body is taking its toll from existing in my car the way I do. I was so pretty, took good care of my body before this, now I’m riddled with acne and I stink as showering daily is an annoying chore.
I’m so incredibly grateful that I don’t have any underlying conditions, no allergies, and no need for medication- although mentally I need some kind of supplement, all the herbal medicine I know I need to fix my mental are so incredibly expensive. I never realized how important it is to have clean, running water in my everyday routine. I feel like I’m in a huge, open enclosure and all the necessities I’d have in the convenience of a home are all inconveniently spread out. I sit in my car and ponder my wasted potential and how I have a leg up compared to so many other souls in such a situation, yet I do nothing to utilize it. I don’t dream of labor, I don’t want to waste away working two jobs to barely get anywhere because I can’t afford a degree and don’t have the mental focus for such. I quit smoking weed everyday since that girl left my car, she fueled the addiction and I feel much better since I’ve stopped, but I lose so much money funding it.
I know I’m competent enough to succeed but I feel like a naive, stubborn dog. There’s so many things I have to do to manage to escape this situation and I’m such a prideful idiot I don’t want to ask anyone for help, and I don’t find the help I’ve been offered appealing or comfortable. My mind is against me, the world around me wants me to stay down, and I’m running out of money despite working 32+ hours a week getting paid $19 an hour. Am I not doing enough? I feel like I’m not doing enough, but my brain shuts off whenever I try to cease it. There’s so much I want to do, I’m more hopeful for my future more than ever but I just don’t know how to help myself, maybe I’m just impatient.