Hello everybody! I will try to keep this short.
I used to be friends with this girl who is bipolar. I sacrificed a lot for her - took care of her whenever she was in trouble, talked on the phone for hours, even defended her in front of her parents and other people who were, in my eyes, mistreating her. She also struggled with addiction. I was very involved in her life and had a lot of love for her. She was kind towards me too, giving gifts, helping me with projects, but it was clear early on that she wasn’t able to give me the same emotional support that I gave her. she would disappear on benders, be light headed, promise to call then disappear, and so on.
One night I was going through a really bad break up, and asked if we could spend time as I was going insane. she said sure and invited me to a bar where she was with her friend. they almost ignored me the whole night, only turning towards me to make silly jokes, and I left crying as I felt so unseen and not taken care of. I was going through one of the worst things of my life and they didn’t even ask me what was going on!
the next day she told me her friend was really into me, and talked me into dating him, though I was reluctant at first. he ended up being really pushy and we were in a three month situation ship that really delayed my healing
he wasn’t very respectful towards her, either, and I often argued with him because of it. she ended up having a bad episode and moving back home, seemingly doing better, although her parents were very mean at times. I kept supporting her but kept going through my own struggles, too, even after the situationship ended and I wasn’t talking to the guy anymore. one day she talked about wanting to come back to town to “show everyone”, and I got a really bad feeling in my stomach. it’s hard to explain. I had helped her through so much and I was so scared it would happen all over again. I was on a semester abroad and the thought of knowing I couldn’t be physically there if anything bad happened only made things worse. overwhelmed, I told her I needed space, and she in turn threatened me for money for a video she had agreed to cut for me for free, and suddenly posted pictures with her friend that I had dated, which really hurt me. I was incredibly scared and didn’t know what to do. she even accused me of stalking her friend which wasn’t true. I had only started talking to him again to find out how she was doing, and it affected my mental health badly
after months of sporadic contact, being scared of and for her, talking to her family and friends to get updates, she finally apologized - “sorry, I was manic”. I tried forgiving her and we were in touch for a while, but I could never shake the feeling that there was more at play than “just” the mania. when I opened up about my worries, she told me if I didn’t understand her illness than there was no point in being friends, and that was pretty much the end of our friendship. I still feel worried about her, but also, I can’t help but feel the way I feel, like her actions were driven by some sort of jealousy, or maybe influenced by gossip that went around in that friend group, since the things she accused me of seemed weirdly specific, and she clearly didn’t treat everyone around her the same way she treated me. it just felt so personal. have any of you ever made a similar experience? and am I a horrible person for feeling like I need more of an explanation than “just” the mania and the wrong dosage of lithium she was on? the whole thing still feels strangely odd. I really hope that she is doing okay, but I could never really find any justification for the way in which she was treating me. Maybe i just don’t understand mania very well, but I’m not sure 💔