Advice With Recovery
Hello. I guess I’ve never admitted this to anyone, including myself, but I believe I have anorexia. I’ve struggled with eating disorders for as long as I can remember. At my healthiest I absolutely hated myself, and got into a binge eating cycle. I weighed the most I had ever weighed, and got on glp-1 medication to help with the binging. I had never felt so free. I started in January and lost about 50 pounds rapidly because I was basically abusing the medication, and here we are now. I’m very underweight, and am still using the meds to suppress my appetite because I’m absolutely terrified of weight gain.
I went home for Mother’s day weekend and my whole family was shocked. My sister was sobbing saying I looked like I was going to pass away, my parents kept feeling my arms or stomach and saying I took it too far. It was extremely overwhelming, especially because I don’t look in the mirror and see that. I still see all my biggest insecurities. They told me all their friends were commenting on it too. They made me embarrassed to even walk outside.
I hate eating. I hate the hold it has on me and I just want it to stop. I think I need to gain weight but I‘m just so scared. I consider a full day of eating 1000 cals MAX, so seeing all the weight gain numbers scares me. I just don’t know what to do and I don’t even know how much I want it for myself. Just a lot of emotions.