u/Deep-Passage-173

So as the title says, yesterday for the first time I went out as femme. I already had the stuff to do it - in March I had been in a pantomime playing a female character, so I already had a bra that fitted with sticky bras and those chicken cutlet inserts, and a corset that fit underneath my clothes. So I put those on, shaved, did make-up, etc, and went out with my friends to the bar/club/etc as a girl.

It was really really fun! I felt so much more comfortable in my skin (even if the extra layers were really warm) and people were treating me so friendly-like. That last bit was actually really weird for me - I'm used to people, especially women, sort of avoiding me at clubs and bars because I'm normally pretty masc and as such they don't feel really comfortable around me, which I get. But yesterday so many women would approach me because they just wanted to dance with me, and felt comfortable in my company, just purely comfortable and joyful. It's weird. I was so happy but also felt such an imposter syndrome as it felt a bit like I was lying to them in them being so comfortable - which of course wasn't true; in fact, it was probably my first time ever being truthful to the world like that. But that difference was staggering.

It was also the first time I realised quite how lonely I feel in my male body sometimes, as a result of being masc. Like oh my god, being femme is just so welcoming, and I just wish I could do that all the time without having to think about it, or have those extra uncomfortable layers on pinching at my sides and sweating on my chest - those inserts actually kept coming out of the bra when I was dancing which was quite awkward, but cos I had the top layer tucked in people didn't necessarily notice.

I've known for a while I was genderfluid (I identify as MtF and genderfluid because both feel truthful to me - I wasn't to go on HRT and transition, but I also know that sometimes I want to be male-presenting. Idk how to explain it bettwr than that) but again yesterday was one of the first times really allowing myself to live that truth. And I'm so glad I did. I'm looking forward to doing that more and becoming more and more comfortable in being myself. :3