I'm just 27 years old, I have severe depression and I have failing kidneys with no treatment that works (extremely rare disease). All throughout my life I had to suffer, I had abusive parents that left me traumatised, relationships were extremely painful and left me traumatised. Literally everything I try do fails miserably, whether it be studies, work or relationship. I cant work due to my depression, i have no money. Nothing ever works out due to all my issues and now my kidneys are progressively getting worse and im looking at dialysis which I dont see how im gonna survive it with already a severe fear for needles. I feel like God threw every possible suffering on me with no positive outlook, I understand that everyone has to carry his cross but Im barely living, I hate my life hate my future, I dont have any hope left anymore. How can it be possible that God gives someone such incredible suffering for such a long time with no positive outlook. Its just been getting worse, I can barely do anything due to how severely my head is messed up. I pray, take communion, I also confess. Yet I feel like God has completely abandoned me and left me to suffer tremendously mentally, physically. I've always believed in God and had faith, I still do but I can't help it but get immensely angry and sad because its starting to feel seriously unfair, I know life is unfair but this amount of pain has become unbearable, and its been going on for many years. This ain't a cross anymore, I feel like im being crucified while tying to still hold onto life.
Edit: I wanna thank everyone one of you who commented, and will comment. I read everything and I pray that God blesses you all. Thank you for the support and all the prayers.