Not sure if I’m looking for advice or just need to vent. I’ve been at my gym for 5 years, been doing BJJ for 1.5 (I did boxing before). It’s a gym known for its BJJ but it’s a competitive MMA fight gym.
I don’t know if the vibe has have changed or if I’m just now seeing things that bother me. I had a group of girls I used to see a lot but not sure where they went. The gym is very macho, competitive and bro ish. Sheer aggressive and athleticism are what are rewarded, it seems. EVERYONE rolls like the world title is on the line, every roll. If you are seen flow rolling or giving advice to others you get yelled at by the coaches. (I’m in my mid 30s and small, aggression and athleticism are not my thing).
I have competed twice and did well but don’t feel like I get very much feedback or attention from coaches. There are definitely ‘favorites’ that coaches give more attention to. A younger, less experienced person has come in after me and coach jokes and laughs with her but rarely even looks me in the eye. I don’t know if this is normal but I have trained 3 times per week consistently since I started and no one really ever says hello to me or talks to me.
I have been nearly injured by larger, more experienced people because of how hard they roll and when I talked to a coach about it he was not concerned.
Also, the times I’ve come in with my rash guard on without my gi top, I’ve caught plenty of men staring at my breasts. I’ve also recently found out several male black belts are sleeping with female white belts. An instructor also slept with a lower belt who then left the gym. (Same goes for the Other disciplines in the gym like boxing).
Is any of this normal? If I leave this gym will I just find it again somewhere else? I have a lot of fun learning BJJ but I just feel like either my body gets stared at or I get ignored. It’s hard to think of leaving a place I’ve been at for 5 years. Any advice is appreciated.