Today I put my sidekick to sleep.
My dog, Scooby was 13 and my sidekick. She was my rock, my best friend my ice breaker to meet new people when out with her. She was a German shepherd, Jack Russell cross, looked like a miniature German Shepherd so people always wanted to meet her.
In January, she got Vestibular syndrome. Which was the start of the end for her. She held on a few more months. Over the last few days she went off her food. Slowed down loads. Until last night she showed no sign of distress of pain. Last night she lost control of her body. She couldn't move, the only time she wasn't distressed last night was when she was in my arms. I was awake with her all night just holding her. We took her the vet this morning and the vet immediately suggested to put her to sleep. He was amazing. He didn't poke or prod or run tests. He saw she was in pain and suggested we make her comfortable. It seemed like seconds. She was here. In pain. The next her body relaxed and she was gone.
The thing that's getting me the most is leaving her there. The vet is organising cremation for her and we're getting her ashes in a small casket to keep. But it felt so wrong to leave her there. She's never been away from us for a single day or night. She's been on every outing and holiday we've had for the last 13 years. Every time she got in the car she would squeak and bark with excitement and now all I can think is she's at the vet, alone and cold and not here with us. Curled up on the sofa with her blanket.
Next month we move to a new house with a bigger garden. I wanted so badly for her to make the move with us. To watch her enjoy the space. We had plans for how we were gonna make the garden special to have her out there with us. Rather than our flats communal garden.
I keep going to call her. I keep looking for her. I picked her ball up and threw it to where she's normally sitting on the sofa and she wasn't there. She's never gonna be there.