I need help
Edit: I want to think everyone for replying and helping me find somewhere to focus. It is midnight and I’ve buried some items from my past in the ground. The moonlight makes me feel hopeful in some way. I will be registering into a birdwatching class tomorrow; I am apprehensive, but hopeful. For the sake of my boy Bear, thank you all. I definitely chose the right sub.
I’ve tried multiple subs and I feel I’m going nowhere. Right now, I am in a very odd mental state. I need advice on how to move on and forward. To find a spark for my life. At least so I can take care of my dog.
Word salad has been my main language today and I’ve just caught it so bear with me please.
I don’t wanna die…but I don’t have any reason to be here. Nature has been my mother seen I can remember. They protected me from abuse, guided me, warned me, gave me what I needed and gave me signs towards what I might want. I asked for freedom a few years ago on various trips of LSD and mushrooms. It was given to me and now I am lost. I was given self aware and it is causing more trouble than it is helping.
I feel like I am not looking where I should, but I don’t know where exactly to look. To clarify, I enjoy my company and am beginning to love who I am. Nature has made me in their image and I want to wear it with pride.
Convention doesn’t really excite my soul. If anything, it’s the main reason I am here. Naturally, I am against the grain and that causes a lot of friction with others around me (I live in southern US sadly)
Feel free to ask questions. I am meandering a blank plain of existence ( the freedom I asked for) and the main problem I have is where to start making a mark.