u/Dear-Diamond-2335

(Sensitive subject.)

I’ve genuinely never felt at peace with myself. When I was bigger, I wanted to feel small, I just wanted to be loved. I thought that if I lost weight I would be. And yes, for a period I felt looked at. Compliments I never received started coming. But then I felt sick, never went outside again, I was so so cold, couldn’t hold my pee in, even >!soiled my bed!<. I’m so fucking embarrassing. So I decided okay, let’s just gain a bit of weight, regain my period, start loving myself and not giving af about opinions from others. But gaining a bit started to turn into food addiction. I’ve landed in the worst period of >!binge!< eating ever. Eating >!8k!< calories almost daily. I can’t live like this. When does it start getting better? When can I let go of my body image? When can I start feeling confident? How do I just love myself for who I am when there’s nothing to love? I have gained so much weight, I’m overweight and haven’t got my period back. It’s all for nothing. I’m 18 and a fucking failure dude, wtf.

Hiii,

I’ve been in HA recovery for 14 weeks now. There’s no improvement on the menstrual part. But my digestive system is better, I can actually shit now without laxatives lol. I’m also noticing a better mood, better skin, etc. But no period yet. I’m getting a bit discouraged especially since I gained >!20!< kgs in the process. And are now bordering a heavier weight than before I lost my period. I can’t stop binging. Every day without fail I’ve been eating up to >!6k!< calories. At first I was like okay, it’s extreme hunger and I’ll allow myself to honor it. But now it’s just binging. How can I stop this but still get my period?