Favoritism made me jealous of my sister
I’m the eldest of 6 siblings. I was the straight A student but never did once my parents went on stage with me. It was always my homeroom teacher who would accompany me to get my awards because my parents were “too busy”. Fast forward, I graduated as a nurse, I didn’t even want to be one, but because my dad insisted I do, even threatened me he won’t pay for college if I don’t pursue nursing. Altho in the long run, it was still me who paid for my tuition.
My parents always have this mindset that the hard earned money I have is also theirs. I went to new zealand to find a job, you got it, it was their decision too, they loaned money in my name. Lol. I came home without a job and had been branded as a failure by my dad. I have been supporting this family since 2015. But never did I heard so much as a thank you or good job. Like it’s my duty as the eldest to solve or clean up the results of their bad decisions.
I am the only one in this family who has a job. They talk about me with my aunts, neighbors, their friends, not in a good way mind you. They also make fun of how I gained weight.
I remember someone asked me if I get jealous of my 4th sister. I said no back then, but now, seeing them very proud seeing her on tv on mother’s day, she is an athlete btw, even when I prepared a mothers day celebration, watching her, very proud of her, calling her over the phone saying those words, even telling her they love her before ending the call, made me very jealous and resentful. Because when they see me, they just see money.
That is the worst thing a parent can do to their children. Favoritism can ruin a child’s mental health.
I’m so tired. Would it be selfish if I run away? Am I really a bad person or sister for getting jealous of my sister?