I struggle with depression and anxiety. This manifests as discontent, sadness and more recently irritability/anger.
I have been practising meditation for years, and have become very efficient at being mindful of these states when they appear - generally within moments of them appearing.
But one thing I’ve really noticed recently as I’ve been passing through a particularly tough period of my life is that despite my objective mindfulness of these states, I have no power to change them. For example: I’m in a good mood, then something negative happens and anger arises. I initially react to the anger, unconsciously. I then become meta-aware: “anger has arisen”. But the anger persists (which I continue to be mindful of)…but the problem is by its persistence I remain in an unwholesome state which negatively affects those closest to me.
No matter how mindful I am of these unwholesome states, I cannot speed up or control their passing. Sometimes, a bad moment can truly ruin my day and I can’t shake off the negativity for hours. I become an unpleasant person to be around.
I would really love to hear some advice about this. Thank you with metta 🙏