u/DeadJimothy1

This morning, I woke up from a pretty odd dream. I used to love going to Taco Bell and ordering one of the big cravings boxes with a Crunchwrap supreme and an order of nacho fries. It was a lot of food for one meal, and I always knew this, but it didn’t matter because I felt like I liked eating that much.

So, in the dream, I go to Taco Bell and order my usual. What’s different about it though is I could feel like this order was too much food, not like how it felt in real life. So I drive around to go pay, and someone from my class is manning the cash register. They looked at me in a shameful way, and it was super humiliating. They didn’t do anything specific to insult me, but I felt the shame of someone else seeing my ridiculous order and knowing that this was my lunch.

I go to the next window and the person that hands me my food is one of my friends, and they didn’t judge me at all. It’s kind of odd, but I wonder if this was my subconscious telling me my friends were ok with me and they knew my “secret”

And then the dream ended. It’s the first dream I’ve had about fast food, and I think it was my subconscious reminding me about the shame I used to feel and the fear I used to hold about how much food I really ate. This is one of the oddest things I’ve ever experienced in a dream, and it comes during a time where I think a lot about my old self.

Does anyone else have an experience like this? This is one of things that feels so surreal.

Idk where else to post this lol. I try to avoid telling anyone about my weight loss as it keeps me focused, so I’ll share with a bunch of strangers. I started again in weight loss and calorie counting for what seemed like the 100th time in mid December. I’ve always been unhappy with the way I look, but this time it was different.

Last summer was the first time I was unable to fit on my favorite roller coaster. I remember having to go and stand at the exit and watch my friends leave the station without me. I’m not sure why it took me until December, but I finally remembered that moment and I didn’t want to be there again this summer.

Honestly, the difference has been life changing. I’m still in the obese range of the bmi scale, but I feel like I could run a marathon. I have been going to the gym consistently for about 2.5 months now as well and I’m almost at 225 lbs bench press

I can see my collar bones now, and I can see the veins in my hands. My headspace is so much better. I’m finding life to be worth living again. All in such a short amount of time.

If you’re reading this post on day 1 of your own journey, it might be tough to stick with a deficit and exercise, but you just have to show up. I hope this post can maybe encourage some, and maybe inspire someone to start.

I’ve still got a long ways to go but I feel so incredibly accomplished already.