u/Dazzling_Bid1239

I knocked myself back down today after being able to see family yesterday (first time in a year seeing some folk because I've been too ill), so i expect myself to have issues with rumination and emotional regulation as I have less ability in PEM.

Im sharing my family car (told that its mine but im fighting for disability and tried different avenues of working for my health to worsen). I had a car before but my health robbed me of that. My mother pays for insurance, which without, id have no way to get to appointments and other short trips (in town, small town) because her and her fiancé dont provide rides. Basically this is their way of accommodating my need. Ive tried insurance provided rides, but they didnt show up half the time. Im very grateful for it, i dont want that to get muddied with my vent. This side of the family believes ill get better if I do more, which could be heightening these negative feelings im feeling.

Im sharing the car because my little brother is learning to drive as a late bloomer. The issue I have is I cannnnoooot for the life of me get the seat back into the position it was in. I was comfortable. My legs were supported, I leaned back perfectly, I basically had to tap my foot on the pedals. Now, I have to use my whole leg and adjust my body each time I switch pedals.

Theyre taking the car again today and left me with an hour to figure the seat, rest, and drive when I had to leave at a certain time last time.

Im so frustrated and its literally only over the seat thing. It makes driving so much harder. I come off as ungrateful for being upset, when im upset over the driver seat and having chronic pain and other symptoms that heighten with exertion. I know others arent as lucky to have a vehicle they can use, ive been there before. It upsets me more when they make a big deal about my needs. Last time they took the car, I asked them to be back by a certain time (i had somewhere i had to be at a specific time) and to move the seat back the best they can. I was told my brother is anxious enough and I need to be more considerate...when I reached out telling my moms fiance that, not involving my brother at all.

Idk. Its probably the drama bugging me with a mix of feeling like my needs cant be met. Driving is getting harder and harder and they are too busy living their own lives under the same roof to care about what I need, under the premise of being old and wanting to travel (their words). Last argument, they basically told me they think my mecfs is in my head, but others do struggle with it, so in their perspective, the driver seat positioning isnt that big of a deal, but to me, it leads to a PEM crash trying to figure it out. I didnt run errands I needed to last time in fear of having a crash or dysautonomia spell while driving.

Its odd feeling like such a big issue. Here I am venting about how they cant even help me with the drivers seat lol. I do apologize for something that seems like a silly vent, I really needed to get that off my chest to a community who gets how important small things are.

Curse my car for not having a setting where it remembers my seat position. It would resolve all of this so they could find something else to pick on me for.

My family took me in when my health crashed. Im forever grateful and love them spite the bs im put through emotionally and mentally. I dont want to go into details, because it'll stir up the rumination, but i still tagged as abuse and NSFW since emotional and mental abuse is in the picture.

I have imposter syndrome pretty badly and I wondered why. My family overall has a disrespectful vibe with me, eating my food when im on govt benefits, moving my things, moving goal posts (think GET), I could go on.

Yesterday, I had enough after ruminating about hearing them say I make problems out of everything a few days ago. The wonders of open windows. I confronted them because I asked them to simply give me enough time before I drive to move the seat back in the car after driving it later than expected, throwing me off with pacing. I was hoping to set the seat back then rest a bit since its so much movement and focusing. They gave me a guilt trip acting like I was causing issues. I went ahead and went the extra mile explaining WHY I asked for that. My fibromyalgia has been flaring up and im PEM-y. I was told to be more considerate of others.

I was told something about how they "tolerate my physical and OTHER issues." I cant read back the message because its a gut punch. They think im being dramatic about my symptoms and what I go through, at the very least. Right then, something clicked in me and I realized that's why my imposter syndrome was so bad and I keep getting into rolling PEM. Im trying to perform for love. Ill clean the house after them on my more mild days and enable the PEM cycle. Mind you, im the only disabled person in the house (ive asked and we've had deep convos).

Ive been having a hard time comprehending it. Id go to therapy, but im limited in my current condition, but i plan on revisiting the idea when my baseline hopefully raises.

I have a solid support system, them not included, involving other family members and close friends. I can breathe "wrong" around them and they know what i need without me even getting there yet myself. Meanwhile, my own mother thinks im just...resting my life away? Ive given them articles, easy to read posts, studies, MEMES with info, even the documentary i cant think of right now. They are not receptive.

Its frustrating because I am disabled by pre existing mental illnesses too, but developed mecfs and co. Even if i was making all of this up, im still worthy of love and at least there's treatment for that.