Am I asexual or Anxious for my ED
So a little context. When I was younger I really struggled with girls and I really wanted to fit in and always had a poor self image because my friends got girls and I put it on such a pedestal that I didn't. I have had a small number of sexual experiences, been blown by 7 different girls and enjoyed it for context, but for some reason upon escalation I have gotten anxious and/or grossed out? I have only actually had sex once and it was not very enjoyable as I was not into the girl. I am not into guys, so it is not that, but I sometimes can get a bit grossed out by pussy (smell, fluids etc) and then I get anxious that it will kill my arousal and it usually does. I am 31 now so I should have had all of this figured out by now, but I am dating a girl seriously for the first time in my life (4 months). She was out of a long relationship and I really like her, but we havent had sex yet. She hasn't wanted to yet because she said she wants more clarity on the future before getting too attached but she has hinted she wants to finally. We have done everything besides that, and I am very nervous about it. I really wish I was not like this as I think she is very good looking and I hate how much I am worried about performing and not getting grossed out. I also wonder if the escalation scares me because of how binding sex is for this girl. Like she said she will get very attached if we have sex and I wonder if that is scaring me a little since I have a lot of unanswered or unresolved questions about our future (different backgrounds, faith, values, etc)
So is it possible to be asexual and attracted to women while also being a bit grossed out by vaginas? I am worried that my years of watching porn when younger and lack of experience has made it very difficult to perform.
Anyone have any suggestions or theories? or any questions that could guide me the right direction? Thank you for reading.