Some kind of mistake
You are everywhere, nowhere,
Somewhere...
Is this some kind of mistake?
I wasn’t meant to wake up to this,
The disbelief that leads me
to mornings that feel like echoes
of something I can’t touch anymore.
I had it once,
soft, simple, whole
the way your eyes held me
like I was already enough.
And I broke it.
I think I did.
Maybe I just wasn’t strong enough
to keep the light from leaking out.
Now I live in the aftermath
where love still breathes
but only in fragments,
you pull me close
like nothing ever happened,
then push me out
like I never mattered at all.
And I keep standing there,
heart in both hands,
asking the same question
no one answers,
Is this real?
Was it me?
How could I let this be?
You say I’m not the man you want,
but you still call me back at night.
You say you’ve moved on,
but your body remembers mine.
I don’t know which truth to believe,
so I believe all of them
and it tears me in half.
Because I still love you,
in the quiet, gentle way
that doesn’t shout or fight,
the kind that just sits there,
aching.
And I hate you for it too,
for how you look at me now,
like I’m something leftover,
something used,
something less.
I asked for the pain to stop.
God, I begged for it,
but instead I wake up again
to the same war inside my chest.
I thought I paid for what I did,
thought I gave enough pieces of myself
to make it right again,
but the debt never clears,
the receipt never burns,
and I’m still standing here
trying to prove I’m worth loving.
You can tear it up,
cut it out,
burn it all and throw it away,
but love…
love grows back.
Just not the same.
Not always soft.
Not always safe.
Sometimes..
It grows back twisted,
roots wrapped around regret,
branches heavy with maybe,
and leaves that fall
every time you let me in again.
The saddest part of life
isn’t that you became a memory,
it’s that you didn’t.
You’re still here,
in every silence,
in every song,
in every version of me
that doesn’t know how to let go.
And I don’t know if I’m holding on to the man I used to be
when you loved me because I was enough,
or I’m just holding on to you
because you were always enough.