u/DaddyWillProtectU

I thought I was over her and that it was devolving into a crush. Ran into her at the store today and I can't stop thinking about it. I want her so bad. Why? Why does this keep happening? We're coworkers so I see her nearly every day. But why does simply running into her outside of work have me so hung up? Why can't I let this go? Why can't I let her go? I want to. At least I thought I do. Is there any closure in this? It'll hurt but I honestly hope she finds someone soon. She is divorced and when she was married I had no interest in her. It'll help if she finds someone. Then I can let her go... God please I just want to let her go...

I keep taking note of our body language. Today we were outside at work and I didn't have my sunglasses on. She wears reflective sunglasses so you can't see her eyes. As we were talking I kept looking all over them as if searching for her eyes (it was a subconscious search wasn't unaware until hindsight) and after a moment she slipped them up and rested them on her head. As if she wanted us to make eye contact. I know that's not what happened but I keep replaying the event. We continued talking for a moment and went back to work.

I also keep beating myself up for not being more witty and funny. She laughs so hard at my jokes sometimes. There's so many missed opportunities where I'm very serious and I could have cracked a joke. Even if she'd never date me I enjoy making her laugh.

I'm also starting to question whether I'm limerent. Or if something's changed? Maybe I was limerent in the past? My reason being I do obsess over her but I don't let it affect my well being anymore. I am able to push thoughts of her away. And while I want her so much my well being doesn't depend on her. I think there was a time when I did but I've worked on my spiritual and mental health and I'm starting to wonder if I have a strong and persistent crush with some obsession rather than limerence? Unsure maybe someone can help me with that? It sounds silly but I've taken a limerence test online and I got you may have some limerence but my score wasn't in the you have limerence area.