UPDATE: I appreciate all of the great advice. I decided to go straight to the board and not contact the coach directly. Ultimately I decided that protecting my and future players from that experience by reporting to the board was more important than trying to correct the coach himself. I did remove the emotion and avoid and references to my son, so thanks for that advice as well.
I’m hoping to get some advice. We had a game today where the opposing coach’s behavior was aggressive and in my opinion bullying my team. Our parents were appalled a the behavior. I was told to file with our “grievance committee,” but I’m torn in doing that before first trying to address it with the coach. Here is what I wrote up to send to him. Good idea? Bad idea? Just want honest feedback as I feel like I was not vocal enough and a strong enough advocate for my kids during the game and feel guilty about it.
For context, this is AA (8-9 year old):
“After reflecting on today’s game I wanted to reach out to you and get this off my chest.
The odds say not a single kid in this entire park will ever see professional baseball. I coach these kids because I believe that the personal and mental development will be something they carry their entire lives. Especially at this age, building their self-confidence pays more dividends than anything else.
The game today was hostile towards my team, and particularly to my son. Over the course of this game I had 4 different kids crying in my dugout, and I haven’t had a single kid cry all season.
My 1B came in after the third inning crying and not wanting to play anymore. There was nothing he did wrong in the field to be upset about; but he said that he was being bullied by players in your dugout. He said someone called him a “bitch.” They were making fun of him striking out.
Now about my son specifically. I don’t remember the exact words said, but you yelled, for the entire field to hear, that my son was “slow” during the game. I heard it from third base, my parents heard it from the stands, and it was a major topic of conversation across all of them during the game of why an adult would say something like that. My son came into the dugout after the inning ended and I could see he had been crying. He asked me if I thought he was slow. This never should have happened.
Two more times you called him out specifically by name, and it was not necessary. If you feel there is player interference (standing on home) or batters interference (getting out of the box), by all means as a manager you have a right to challenge that. But there are ways to challenge a call without calling out a child by name in the process (and you were not right in either instance per the umpire). Call a conference between managers and the umpire.
When the last at bat of the game a coach says “gas his ass” when trying to strike him out, it feels very personal. That is my 8 year old son and every impression today was that he was being targeted. It affected him today in a way that a child should not be affected by adults when playing a game for fun.
My son certainly deserves an apology, and I would ask that you consider the hearts and minds of these players next time.”
Thanks to anyone who actually read this far.