u/DaMain-Man

So if you have avoidant attachment issues 1. You won't know until you're actually on a relationship and 2. You won't be as open about the issue. That silence is what creates makes this issue even bigger.

Think of it this way, if someone is introverted, the fact that their not seen as sociable we can't really put them into a box of being smart or funny or charming, etc. we don't know what they're really like. So others will make up personality traits for them. That's why some people think the shy guy at the office is a weirdo or a creep even when they didn't do anything. That's why the shy girl in class must be stuck up and think she's better than everyone else.

It's not based in reality, it's just others projecting their insecurities on to them.

But if you're straightforward with your anger issues, people trust you a lot more. Even when that personality trait is seen as a red flag.

Same thing with anxiously attached people, because they're so honest about being insecure we don't see that as the red flag it really is. We can talk about the issue and even though there's been zero progress in fixing this problem, we don't see the Forrest for the trees.

I'm going to say this as gently as possible: insecurities make you annoying to date. Always having to remind your partner that "no I'm not cheating on you, I was sleeping." "Why are you going through my stuff again? We've been over this, I am not secretly hiding anything from you." "Did you steal my phone again?" It's exhausting to have to deal with that.

No matter how well you handle things on your end, the more closer you two get, the worse their insecurities become.

Whereas with avoidant attachment, the solution is you need to start being more honest and vulnerable with your partner. Establish healthier boundaries and work on being ok with not being ok. Sitting with them while your partner is going through a lot and be aware that things will get better, etc.

To simplify anxiously attached people need to learn to be more quiet and more mindful that they're coming off as too controlling and this behavior is toxic and you're pushing them away. While avoidants need to start speaking up for themselves more and being more present.

If avoidants were more open with their trauma and why they're afraid of opening up to people, they'd be more accepted. But because they don't speak up for themselves more, their ex's tend to label them as toxic, because of their erratic behavior

At first, I thought it was just harmless. Like oh he didn't know, or it's just an inside joke between two friends, but you'd have to ignore the very real prevalent idea that some men think they can turn a lesbian straight. There's this really backwards mindset that just because she likes women won't stop them from trying.

And I don't know, I've seen some pretty gross comments about how "If she has a 😺 then she's fair game." "Most studs are low mileage. I'd rather take a low mileage stud over a 75,000 mile ig model any day." Btw those are just the two that I've bothered to write down, there's so much more that I just didn't feel comfortable writing out.

Is it that they're a masculine presenting women and you wanna try and "tame" them? Break them into being feminine again. Like a power thing? Is it an ego thing, like "I, a man, am just so masculine that I can make even a lesbian fall in love with me?" Is it the whole "no doesn't mean no?"

At the end of the day, it's just rape culture. Like that's the most simplest explanation there is