Nightmares about being a sexual assault victim.
For context: I am an 19yr old boy, and I have never been the victim of sexual assault.
I dont post on reddit at all but this has happened twice now and its freaking me out.
TW: This discusses rape from the uninformed lense of someone who has never actually gone through it.
The dream is blurry to me except these major parts: I *was* raped before the dream by an older man, the rape did not happen during the dream, but in the dream I just knew the man I looked at raped me. My mother was with me at points in the dream, but for some reason I couldnt tell her what had happened to me, there was a reason, I just can't remember, all i remember is feeling so hopeless without her being able to help me. I felt a deep deep dread anytime the abuser came into my dream, I can't even explain it. Its a type of fear that I've never even came close to feeling outside of the dream, I was throwing up in my dream out of fear. I would fall asleep in the dream, and have nightmares about my abuser within the dream, repeatedly to the point where I was genuinely scared id never be able to sleep again. This realization that id never sleep again combined with being in close proximity to the abuser sent my body into some type of reset? The only way I can describe it is being so uncomfortable that I subconsciously woke myself up from the dream. It didnt feel like waking up normally, nor like waking up from a typical scary nightmare, it genuinely felt like I couldnt mentally handle being in the dream anymore.
Now, all of these details are a bit vague on purpose because they all apply to another completely different dream that I had at some point a couple months ago. Different dream, different faces (except my mom's obviously), but all these details also apply to that one. I just want some type of explanation on literally anything, or maybe someone has a similar experience? I dont understand how I can feel this deep of an emotion about an experience I never truly had to go through, and I don't get why this dream is now recurring. I'm not an expert on anything and I dont typically use this subreddit, I just couldn't find anywhere online that shared a similar experience without actually dealing with the trauma. I apologize that it's formatted like shit, I just woke up from the dream and I still dont feel right.