I've always known my Dad adopted me when (age 4yrs) my parents married , but for whatever reason the identity of my biological father wasn't shared with me...not for my lack of asking, believe me, I was not subtle. Throughout the years I would ask relatives and even ask my mother, directly, once, who refused to tell me. Which made me question if she actually knew, I would later find out, she does. Which then made me wonder if he even know about me, I would later find out, he did. But, at the time, the unknown wasn't sitting well. So, several years ago I decided to do a (so to speak) reverse DNA search. I did find and confirm his identity. Unfortunately, he passed away shortly before I identified him, along with his son (my brother) BUT there's a daughter (my sister). I have her information but I don't know what to do. I have questions but I'm not trying to create any trauma, either.
While searching for his identity I came across some information confirming that he did know about me. In fact, we lived as a family for a period of time. During this period something transpired that led to a complete and total dissolve of communication between us and him, that continued until his death. Obviously, she's not going to know what that was. I'm almost certain she's got no idea I even exist, but I do, she has a sister. Like I said, there's a son too, but he passed away, she had a brother. I want to reach out but I don't want to cause problems. I feel like a stalker knowing her from afar, without her knowing me, and me not really knowing her at all. No. That's wrong, I feel like a liar, like I'm keeping a secret and I hate it. The secrets surrounding my childhood led to the typical trauma, that led to the typical self loathing, self sabotage, estranged family, needing therapy, the best goes on...
I don't want to cause any person discomfort or distress, especially this woman. My daughter is her doppelganger, my son is a veteran she works with and is a veteran. From what I know about her, we are very much alike. I don't know what to do or what to think would come out of it. Anyone else ever dealt with or currently dealing with anything similar, I need advice. I hate feeling like a liar, but my feelings are irrelevant if revealing the truth causes her pain. Knowing is what hurt, and if ignorance is bliss then should I let well enough alone and let her live in blissful ignorance???? I wouldn't be so conflicted about it if her dad were still alive, obviously.
Tell me your opinions....I could use some