Hello,
I suffer from serious disaster depressive disorders since years.
Imagine the worst, I won't elaborate here.
I have bought recently and start reading "Caffeine Blues" from Stephen Cherniske.
I understand and know the big general ideas, also what you think here about caffeine.
I still have doubt, as it seems the "empirical scientifical studies" (I know all the doubt and sceptiscim that we could get) show that for suicidal ideation (even mortal dead) the caffeine consumption over the long run can help, even "just" for severe depression management.
Last two years i have tried two times to stop fully.
First time I manage to get four months without caffeine, and recently during one month.
First the transition time was 2 months, recently only 2 weeks.
Each time i felt miserably and have the worst ideas possible in my head.
So is really rationale to still persevere ?
One of my motivation is that each time i stopped, i felt great after going back coffee.
I also try to do competition board game (backgammon, chess) and felt that the off-caffeine time did help ( when i took again caffeine after withdrawal), despite it was horrible during withdrawal time. Apathy, black ideas, depression/fatigue were extreme.
As you understand, i must say I have serious depression disorder with/without caffeine whatever, since a long time.