u/Cute_Confusion6057

I’ve (23M) been thinking about this for the past year, and I feel like I might be on the asexual spectrum. The reason I think that is because, honestly, whenever I see a girl I find attractive or have a crush on, my thoughts aren’t sexual. I just want to hug her, kiss her, cuddle, and fall asleep next to her.

I do experience sexual urges and I do masturbate, but for me it has always felt more like a way to cope or fall asleep. Growing up with childhood trauma, it became more of a self-soothing habit rather than something driven by desire for someone else. It feels like my body has urges, and I just take care of them, but emotionally, I don’t connect that to any person.

I’m genuinely okay with the idea of never having sex in my life. What I really want is a deep emotional connection with someone having meaningful conversations, feeling close, and spending my life with them. I did talk about this with my best friend, and he thinks it might be because of depression, but I don’t think that’s the case.

When I talk to other people, both guys and girls, they often say that when they have a crush, they think about having sex with that person. I just don’t relate to that at all, and that’s why I feel confused about where I stand.

The problem is you have to solve the loneliness crisis or pandemic. But the solution shouldn't be something that has bad side effects like social media and dating apps they were supposed to bring us closer but we are more disconnected than ever.

How would you solve it ?

So yeah, here’s a list of books that influenced me some f**ed me up, some fixed me, most did both. this list is in the exact order I read these books started at 16, now I’m about to turn 24

1. Rich Dad Poor Dad

Read this as a kid and went full “money is everything” mode. Thought I don’t need education, don’t need to study, I’ll just flip properties and chill.

2. Can't Hurt Me

Peak motivation + zero common sense combo.Read this and ran a half marathon without training.Did it prove something? Yes. Was it smart? No.

3. Daring Greatly

Helped me understand vulnerability a bit.Like okay, not everything is about being strong all the time.

4. Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway

Basic idea: you’ll feel fear anyway, just do it.Simple, but actually useful.

5. The Mountain Is You

Not gonna lie felt like a long motivational YouTube video.

6. Ego Is the Enemy (my favourite)

This one… damn.Read it 3–4 times and I still struggle to apply it.

7. Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents

This one hurt.I used to think I had a great childhood turns out, not really.But it gave me clarity and some actual tools.

8. Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving

Helped me understand my patterns and reactions.Like okay, I’m not just “weird”, there’s context.

9. The Body Keeps the Score

Heavy book, but makes a lot of things click.

Where I’m at now:

Stopped chasing more “knowledge”.

Started therapy (Almost a year)

Moved out of a toxic home.

Got a job.

On paper doing good.

Inside still some emptiness, but more calm now.

Currently reading: Animal Farm

Trying fiction now. Let’s see.