hello! i'm not new to typology or reddit (this is a throwaway lol), but getting back into it after a long time :) i wanted some external insight!
please try to make a guess before you look at how i've typed myself at the end of my post. you can also ask any questions you like, i'm a pretty open book as evidenced by how freaking long this is
some things about me:
external
i can be reserved in new situations - i feel the need to "vibe check". it usually doesn't take long for me to settle in and participate.
i prefer being online (where i can think deeply about what i'm saying and how it will be perceived) versus in person (where words have to leave my mouth before i have thought about what they may actually mean). this made me think i was an introvert for a long time, and i still think i'm just an introverted extrovert.
i have one very very close friend who knows me very deeply. i have a history of having one or two "best friends" at a time though none have lasted more than five years. this has given me a fear of abandonment and i generally try to tread lightly, seeking approval and asking if i'm doing anything wrong often. sometimes i can be lovebomby, spending a lot of money and showering them with praise. i also tend to get stuck on past friendships, constantly ruminating on what i could have done wrong and whether i should reach out. what if they still need me? what if i was the one who abandoned them? this can last YEARS. i still think about friends who left me 10 years ago.
i have a small circle of friends and am seen as an oversharer though i rarely if ever reveal my true feelings, struggles, and fears. i also do my best to respond to and have a one-on-one connection with every member of the group. i want everyone to feel seen. i've had moments where i felt neglected or like there was something i was missing out on where i wanted to leave the group or ghost everyone, though i've never followed through. i'm the "mom friend" and often giving advice.
with strangers, i am friendly but prefer to stay in the background. i can sometimes be nervous and awkward, tripping over my words. i want the people around me to have a good impression of me, and for them to feel good. when i make someone feel bad, it's as if the world is falling apart.
i hate conflict and confrontation. i will try to calm it down with a joke, but if insults are being thrown around i will defend the victim of that. i side with the people i am closer to (and therefore more likely to agree with) but will often let them know later, gently and privately if they were in the wrong. i am able to help my friends with conflict and advise them on what to say to calm the situation down but cannot handle it myself.
after being detached from a person for some time, i can grow resentful. why did you leave me? why did you treat me this way? it stops being "what did i do?" and starts being "why did you do that?". i do switch between the two a lot when it comes to people i truly admired.
another thing is that i'm never ever sure if people actually like me. they'll say affirming words, i'll do things for them, but at the end of the day there will always be doubt in my mind. this is something i've struggled with for a long time. i don't understand how other people's minds work, and deep down i'm not trusting at all. i NEED reassurance but when i get it i dont believe it.
i often tweak my personality depending on who i am around. if someone i like disagrees with me i will immediately backtrack, and rather than changing my mind i will try to imply i believed their opinion all along and was just sharing an alternate perspective. i'm very headstrong about most moral and political issues and won't change my stances on those.
i haven't been in a romantic relationship yet, so no insight there. oops!
internal
i have a very vivid inner world. i notice when i am in environments or spaces alone and end up being alone i'd say more than the average person. i think about myself maybe too much which gives me the fear of being a narcissist. i spend a lot of time thinking about my past and how it's influenced the person i currently am. i have this core belief that things would have fallen apart had my life not gone exactly the way it has. i think everything happens for a reason, though this is a very personal belief and i don't use it in advice to others.
i put on a different persona than what is actually happening inside. internally, i tend to spiral and overthink and am generally pretty melancholic. i don't like showing this part of myself to others, fearing it may discredit my advice or they may become concerned for me. i feel different from other people but don't necessarily want to be. i want to be seen as myself, not percieved incorrectly.
i am not super adventurous. i was not a rebellious (in the typical sense) kid. i prefer my comfort zone and have a lot of fears, mostly socially. sometimes when i am unwell or impulsive i will make an adventurous decision, and i don't often regret them, but it's just not my usual way of life.
i am a perfectionist. i love writing, which makes for a good example - i don't write often because if it isn't good i'll just give up. i don't do art because what is in my head never ends up on the page, so it's not worth my time. writing is different and i'm usually able to pour out exactly what i'm envisioning which is why i like it.
i want to be successful but it's not my main drive. moreso i want to be content and comfortable, and success is a part of that. i don't really need the world to know my name - in fact, i wouldn't like that.
i can almost always keep my emotions to myself and not have them be apparent but when it rains, it pours. i'll become mean and resentful, taking out my emotions on others not caring anymore what they think of me, but still wanting them to love me through my outburst. these still tend to
be very controlled and most people can't tell i'm going through a phase like this.
i am sentimental and get attached to inanimate objects and places. i am seen as childish and some of my interests are childish.
i love thinking about philosophy and cause and effect and all of that. i love astronomy and animals though i'm not good at STEM at all. i was a voracious reader though i barely have time nowadays. i love learning about history and psychology. i appreciate art and creativity but do not believe i am artistic or creative, mainly because i don't think i can develop those skills after trying so hard for so long. i'm religious but not extremely so.
okay, this is so very long, i'm sorry! below are my current tritype and a tritype i thought i was during a difficult teenage phase. i love being psychoanalyzed, please give some feedback! if you'd like to you can expand on other typologies outside of the enneagram too :)
>!mbti (unsure) enfj/infj!<
>!big five: rLu[A]/I/!<
>!temperaments: mel-sang!<
>!current:!<
>!sp296 2w1!<
>!past:!<
>!sx469 4w5!<