For some context, me (26f) and my boyfriend (28m) moved into our new place last year in August. We were extremely excited, since we have always lived with roomates, to finally have our own place and privacy. It has been going great! Then, on New Year’s Eve (during a snowstorm) my friend (24f) called me sobbing that her bf (who has always been toxic) broke up with her, turned off his location and left to go to a New Year’s party. She was at his house all by herself, so me and my boyfriend cancelled our plans for the night to go pick her up. I did not get a new years kiss that night because I was too busy consoling my friend. Which is fine, she’s my friend, but it’s the little things yk?
Since it was his house she was staying at, we offered to let her live with us, rent free for a few months, until she got back on her feet. As much as I love and care about her, my boyfriend and I no longer have our privacy anymore, and she has a completely different decor style than me. She also has more stuff than me and my boyfriend do combined, so our house is very crowded now. I am OCD and I was so excited to live with just my bf because I finally had the opportunity to decorate how I want, but now it’s full of her stuff as well.
Aside from typical roommate annoyances like that, she also still constantly drives an hour to see this ex boyfriend of hers, talks about how great he’s doing and that she might be getting back with him, to crying over something he did, over and over and over. It’s been 5 months since they broke up and she can’t go a few days without driving an hour away to go see him.
She folds under 0 pressure, she’ll go from crying to me about him, to him messaging her “I want to talk” (for the hundredth time, just bc he ends up convincing her to stay the night with him), then she’ll start defending him and go see him.
I feel like crap to admit it but It has becoming so mentally draining for me. We even have gotten into a huge fight about it once, because she decided to talk to him about a personal issue me and my boyfriend had. It’s just really started to get on my nerves, especially because she is always leaving to go see him for a few days on end and her cat is just here for me to take care of.
I have tried everything-from being supportive, trying to ignore it, tough love, etc. I have even told her I no longer want to hear about him, but she just gets upset with me because “I’m her friend and she can’t even come to her friend or anyone about things” or “you’re acting like my mom, I’m a grown woman” which is totally fair.
She is such a great friend to me, she’s clean, just started paying rent, and is very sweet, but I fear us living together is slowly ruining our friendship. I genuinely can’t help but feel annoyed everytime she brings him up, even when she’s talking on the phone with other people she’s either defending him or complaining (this will go on for HOURS).
It just personally feels like a slap to my face because I have opened up my home to her so she can heal and move on, helped her move, consoled her constantly, etc. just for her to see him nearly every other day.
She has said she wouldn’t have anywhere else to go, and in this economy it is almost impossible to afford to live by yourself. I’m also afraid that if she does move out, she’s just going to go back to living with her ex then get in the same situation and need a place to stay. she has lived with us for 5 months now. AITA for wanting to ask her to move out? And if not, how should I do it without hurting her feelings?