It's always been pretty much just the two of us. She's always wanted a child, it was her dream and she got it, I just wish she could've gotten a better one. She sacrificed a lot for me and worked hard, multiple jobs. She is a single mother with minimal support, no family, not much friends either, at least not close ones. I'm basically all that she has.
Now I'm a freshly turned adult and the time to choose a university is inching closer. I really want to go. I seriously want to move out. That wouldn't just be leaving her alone but it would be leaving her alone with even more responsibilities. What about our cat? She works so much, taking care of him would become much more challenging. She'd come to an empty house, always. She'd be even more lonely, even more sad.
So why do I still want to go? Our relationship isn't always the best but it's okay. We fight somewhat often, our personalities kind of clash. I feel stressed and burnt out here. I know I can't really complain because TRULY she bears all the burden. I still want to leave. Why can't I just stay?
The university I want to go to isn't a top one but it has a good program and great opportunities for practical things. It would very likely be better for the field I'm going into than the one home, even though the local one definitely ranks higher overall. The financial burden would be about the same, but the mental load will be incomparably higher if I leave. And I still want to, so freaking much. I'm selfish and I know that.
I don't really want anyone to say otherwise. It's the objective truth. Strangers online can't really grasp just how much she has sacrificed and just how lonely she would be (her relatives have passed away so there really is no support system for her) and overall how devastating it would feel for her. All she's asking is just a little bit more time and it's like I can't even give her that.
There's no guarantee that I'll even get in, so sometimes I think there's no point mulling over this until I know, but I'll have to make the decision soon anyway. And in the back of my mind, I'm pretty sure if I don't go there now, I'll work and save up for a year and try again. I'm so sorry but no sorries will make up for that.