Does it ever go away?
Hi everyone,
I have dealt with this phobia since maybe 6 or 7 years old, I am now 22. My thing is that I do not fear if I get sick even though I have not gotten sick for more than decade now, if it was to happen then I know I would give in because I remember I would always feel much better afterwards. I think of it as a poison that needs to get out and it is the better alternative than suffering in pain. It also does not bother me as much if I see it on a movie or show or read the words v* or tu*, it is just gross but I never have to look away. However, my true fear is others getting sick! I truly hate it with all of my being.
During my teen years, I thought I was getting over my fear but boy was I wrong. Is it weird to say I feel like I’m being haunted and hunted by it? I won’t share what made me realize I did not overcome my fear unless someone asks but just know, it keeps me up some nights.
I am going through a major crisis now because, I started nursing school. Yes, I started nursing school as a huge emetephobe… is it wrong to want more for myself and pursue a great career? In my fear mongering mind, yes. I have contemplated my career choice many, many, many times but God really put nursing in my heart and I fear it’s not leaving. I hate my phobia but I hate being broke even more. I am truly afraid for what’s to come. I can deal with pretty much any other bodily fluids but I fall weak to tu*. I want to be desensitized and completely unfazed to it but how can I if I have never in my life seen it that way? I know nothing but fear. I feel like a slave to it and I see no end. Does it ever subside with time? I want to be successful and professional as a nurse. I need tips and guidance please. Should I seek professional help?
*don’t know if this is important to mention but I want to be a NICU nurse. Peds has never been an option for obvious reasons. Baby spit up does not bother me and if my sweet baby golden retriever gets sick I do not mind it either. My husband on the other hand… yeah he wasn’t near me for days! No more drinking nights for him. I wish I was afraid of spiders or something.