My 15 year old poodle Nina, died in may 4th 2026, its only been some days. The pain is brutal, she was send to the vet by my mother, Nina was having difficulty breathing, the vet said she was getting better and would need to spend the night there. At 4pm me, my mother and her brother went to visit our girl, when i saw her state...she was fighting so hard, to breath, to stay alive and come home.
We had our time to pet her and talk to her, but the vet say she could not stay out of the oxygen, that's when a part of me knew, it was the last time i was going to see my baby.
At 6:30 pm, the vet called, she passed from a heart attack. It was and still is devastating, she was my everything, she kept me alive in so many of my s&cide attempts. When i was putting half of my body off the ledge , she would cry and put her paw in my legs.
I know she needed to rest, she deserves it, she is...was a good girl. The best thing in my life.
I had her since i was 6, now i'm 21. I made so many promises of the life we would live together and I promised my self i would not live without her, but i'm still here and she is not.
I keep hoping that somehow, someway she will return to us, i miss every single sound she made, her smell (that i don't even remember anymore), singing for her, holding her.
I know it was her time, but i still can't help but think "why?" "why did she leave me?".
It's all so recent and i've been going from depression, to bargaining, to rage at God for taking her from me.
PS: I've been suffering from diagnosed depression, anxiety and insomnia for almost a decade, been medicating since 2019 i think. Not doing therapy cause I've been trough 5 therapists by now and I'm just tired of doing it.