u/Correct-King4049

i'm not having a meltdown i promise.

i'm just feeling so weirdly restless.

my gf has just left for a destination wedding for a week. one. A. single. individual week.

mind you, i've literally loved living alone for the past 8 years and wanted nothing else. and then this?!?! am i going insane? does anyone else love their partner's company that much? she's going to have an amazing time and i'm so happy for her and can't wait to hear all about it.

so i only ask two things.

1. why do i feel like bending time?

2. what have you guys done to pass the time? (i'm just super bored i would like fun stories)

i've ordered about 2 meals worth of mcdonalds, and watched 2 movies. i expected it to be time to pick her up by the end of the second one tbh. i'm going to hang out with a bunch of friends i haven't met in ages haha.

edit: guys this is a joke! i miss her of course, but i'm having fun on reddit passing the time.

let me preface this by saying i (27f) love my gf (32f) beyond words i can find right now. we've been through so much together and she's honestly the most patient, kindest and loving person i've ever met. i can't wait to move out with her and her cat and just live with each other. i think we have a good push pull relationship.

that being said, i fear i have met my match.

not to sound too far up myself, i would say i'm a decent person to hang around. i've always had a good circle of acquaintances and my close friends i have kept to this day. the same applies romantically. i've not had a shortage of people my age, as well as older/younger who were interested me. the attention was a novelty, but i never dated any of them. it got old fast, and was somewhat annoying because i started to question my friendships to some of these people. eventually i dated (rushed into a relationship, more like) a woman that lasted a year. we soon realised we weren't suited at all. we were long distance and it put a strain on us, especially because she started getting very jealous of literally everyone i was hanging out with, even my friends whom she'd met before, and a new friend (straight) who gave me a lift home once. she would get upset when i would have dinner with people i knew.... etc. you get the picture. i knew it wasn't healthy for either of us, and that breaking up was definitely the right thing to do to because i felt relieved...for the both of us. i didn't look back and wish we had never broken up, i look at it as a time that i am grateful for but has passed. it doesn't affect me and it was surprising how little i felt about it. she's a great person, just not the person for me.

i feel that this is relevant, because we're fast forwarding to my relationship now. i have stood by this my entire life, and i fully thought i was going to die on this hill.

the three things i am not:

1. jealous.

2. clingy.

3. fomo.

and for the first time in my 27 long years on this earth, i have been hit with the realisation that i am, in fact, very wrong about that.

to quote fix-it-felix, my gf is one dynamite gal. and she has one of those once-in-a-lifetime, stellar personalities that you can't help but be attracted to. unfortunately, i am not the only person in 'everyone'. it is a constant, uphill goddamned battle with everyone i meet. i'm sus of anyone and everyone (okay, not literally, but you know). i trust her completely, but it doesn't erase the fact that i'm hyper-aware of what's been awoken inside of me. it's nonsense! i'm not jealous, yet no one is allowed to even breathe wrong in her direction. i'm not clingy, but i want to create a 13th month in the year just to spend with her. i don't get fomo, but i miss her when she's away even for an evening.

this makes me feel like such a hypocrite because these are all the things my ex used to feel about me. i tell myself that i am too grown and should be mature enough to not feel like this.

it makes me really wonder if i've ever truly loved anyone till i met her.