How do I stop emotionally spiraling on client calls and actually communicate better?
TL;DR: Had a tense video call with my client contact, ended it because I was about to cry. Now there's a three-way call with her and her manager coming up. How do I keep the contract and de-escalate?
Three months into a new client engagement. My contact and I do not communicate well. She's controlling about how our team interacts with hers. All questions must go through her via their case management system only. No direct contact with anyone else on their side. As a result I end up re-asking questions I could clarify in two minutes with someone else. Not everything is that serious.
She's been growing visibly frustrated with me. Lots of dismissive one-liners like "as we've previously discussed." It's discouraging.
Last week we had a call to go over several complex cases that had gone sideways. I told her what I needed: acknowledgement of a technical issue on their end, and how to communicate it to their users. She said she wasn't going to do my job for me. Then said she was starting to regret bringing us on.
I ended the call. I was on the verge of breaking down. We haven't brought it up since.
I flagged it with my own manager. They suggested a calm check-in with her and her manager to align on goals. That backfired. She demanded a written explanation before agreeing to meet. Her manager shut that down and said let's just have a productive conversation.
Now I'm panicking. I need this engagement on my CV. I'm 55. She gets complaints from other vendors too but she's technically indispensable and nothing ever changes.
How do I de-escalate and keep the relationship functional? What do I say when she takes a jab and I feel myself starting to react? How do I get my needs across without it sounding like a complaint? Any scripts or mindset shifts appreciated.