My ex told me after revealing csa past to get over it quickly as I need to be what she expects prior to marriage. She later noted that my father dying was leading to a lot of emotions from me that she can’t handle. She said one should seek someone else to express any feelings. Having done so, I feel resentment from relying on toxic coping mechanisms to feel connected with people when I didn’t want to. The aftermath of the experience has one feeling shame and betrayal of self.
What can I do to face trauma stemming from her rejecting my csa and then not wanting sex for 6 months plus until I show I’m the man she remembers despite her being involved with another man to spite me. Her Love felt conditional as she felt another man offered her what I couldn’t ? I seem to be self sabotaging from a limited decision to earn validation from her given her and her mother felt I was weak and irresponsible to be caught in emotions and should have accepted her daughter deserves a rich man, and if I’m lonely in china as a black man, it isn’t a big deal.
Does unconditional love exist and can it coexist with csa trauma ?