I’ve gotten really close with this one girl(roommate) this past year in college and we’ve never fought until these past few weeks.
We have been having random tension for the past 2.5 weeks, it's happened 8-9 times with no real clear reason, and I think it's partly because we spend so much time together. The deeper issue is that she's basically my only friend here, so everything I have she's a part of, and in almost every situation, I feel like she comes out on top.
Guys pay way more attention to her, our mutual friends will literally say how much they love her in front of me without acknowledging me, she gets better grades, she's skinnier. I know I'm insecure and I know it's nothing she's doing on purpose, but that realization doesn't actually make me feel better. She also makes insulting jokes sometimes that I hate because I'm already painfully insecure and I'll think about what she said for days after.
The whole dynamic has seriously affected my mental health and contributed to a lot of depression this year. The hard part is I can't really explain any of this to her because it's not like she's doing anything wrong. We had a talk the other night where I alluded to feeling suffocated and like I have nothing of my own anymore, and the idea of not being friends came up which genuinely scared me.
Now we haven't said a single word to each other and I'm going back and forth on whether to try to salvage things because I really do love and care about her, but I also don't want to put myself back in a situation that's been making me feel this bad.
We have a few days left of school and already planned to be roommates for next year so part of me wants to salvage it somewhat so it’s not awkward, but I’m not sure if salvaging it fully and going back to “normal” is what would be good for me long term….