I feel like my whole life has been unlucky or when something good happens something bad happens.
Some examples;
- I was brought up in an extremely poor household and missed out on almost every child experiences, holidays, clubs, new toys etc
- I was aware of my parents money troubles from a young age even though they tried to hide it
- I was bullied at school because I lived in a council house and smelled like cigarettes
- it was very obvious my mum loved my brother more. Her brother died and my brother was the spitting image of him so got spoilt
-when I was having a tough time my mum said to just get on with it and it would make me tough but my brother didn’t need to do that
- I was SA’d at 10 by a friend and nothing was done. I was stuck in class with him for two more years. Now his dad works at my job so I’m constantly reminded. He works to support young people to not end up a criminal seems like some sick joke
- I was graped at 16 and ended up with an eating disorder and instead of seeing why I changed in myself my friends left me as I wasn’t the same
- my first proper boyfriend messed me around for five years I didn’t know better
- I was in an abusive relationship that landed me in the hospital and almost stopped me having kids
- I was sexually manipulated by an ex
- I had HG while pregnant and lost two stone and almost died
- I ended up with gallbladder issues after my daughter was born and missed out on chunks of her early months
- my cat died the same day I got my gallbladder ( I truly believe he gave his life for mine as I had this feeling I wasn’t going to wake up from the surgery)
- while on maternity my partner had all his money and savings stolen and we are still trying to catch up months later. Often only having £3 to our name after payday even though we have good jobs
I just feel like im drowning constantly and I really want to see the good because there is but the bad stuff just seems so serious and constant.
Good parts:
- I have a partner who really loves me and a step daughter and daughter
- I enjoy my job and my team
- I now own a house
- I’m close to my friends and family
Please what can I do that can help. I already have counselling but I feel I need to change spiritually to really help myself