I dont understand my life at all. I was a brilliant person till the age of around 15, like I was good in academics, athletics, a good basketball player too, popular among girls....
I have read a lot of stuff on physics, philosophy and other stuff. I have all this knowledge inside me but it is all messed up like entangled with each other.
But after the age of 15, I have noticed that no matter what, I cant gather the energy in my body to do stuff....
Like I know how to fix a certain machine, but as I start to do it, I loose my interest and even the strength to do it. Same with negotitating a deal, making a website, giving exams, travelling, trying to learn a new skill like dance, guitar and even talking to women...
Its been 13 years now. There's been days even taking a bath becomes tough....
And if I enjoy something too much, fever makes sure to catch up with me....
All of the people around me think that I am lazy and non serious and basically a looser person. I am ambitious, but its like everytime I try something new something pulls me back....
I feel like I am not free to do stuff I want to do, I sometimes feel like I am in some sort of energetic prison....
And this one single time I excelled at my job, I gained enough energy to do the stuff, I saved the company I work in from bankruptcy, like I was literally the hero, turned a loss making deal into a half a million bucks gain for the company, I was fired, literally no recognition, just fired, because my colleagues started hating me for pulling it off and made it their mission to get me fired....
This another time I made a brilliant investment, the guy ran away with investment and the profits....
There was a time when my friends and relatives used to feel awe of my determination to do things, now those same people just make fun of me and ignore me....
My net worth has been same for the past 8 years just slightly above 0, meaning I live paychecks to paychecks. No matter what I do it does not change at all....
I feel like no matter what I do, something is making sure that I do not grow at all....
The only thing that hurts me is not being able to support my family as I want to and seeing all my school and college friends living their life and making it in their life....
All I want to know is if their is any spiritual or esoteric meaning to everything I am going through......???