I was molested at 18 at my workplace
22M here. Please don't judge me. After so many years, I am trying to put this horrible experience into words. My hands are shaking and I have tears in my eyes. It's been 4 years but still have nightmares about it.
After +2, I joined college and topped the college. Then, the college director offered me an assistant teaching position. I was already dealing with depression, mourning the loss of my grandmother, dealing with breakup. At first, I hesitated as I was an introvert but reluctantly accepted it. It was a worse decision.
First few days, I was really scared so I used to drink a little and go to class to teach them. I was bullied by some students. They used to say dh*ti Ayo padauna, say ugly things about my psysique .One guy even tried to make me fall while I was teaching. Even though it was hard, I still persisted. I tried to stay calm and didn't react too much. I was trying my best to become likeable. Mind you, I was 18 (nagarita ma 17) and my students were also of 17-21 age. I wasn't mature enough. Still I tried my best but ugly remarks never stopped. I still continued and become strict. I used to teach three classes but the other two class students were fine. Only in one class, they said ugly things. Tyo umer ma I didn't know to handle hate. Bistarai tyo students haru ni stopped speaking bad.
Then one day, that college director came in staff room area. I already knew something was weird by the way he was looking at me. He first touched my stomach area. I didn't react. Then he slowly came behind and grabbed my waist area and asked me k cha. I said chodnusna. Then he tried to grab me even harder. I tried to push him away, tried slapping, even i tried to held his throat by both hands. He didn't leave me. By this time, I was having a panic attack. I tried to grab the book and hit him. Then he pulled me closer and rubbed his d*ck on me for like 2-3 minutes. When he left, I was in another world, I couldn't feel anything. Then he tried to kiss me. And then again he took my hands and again tried to harass me by rubbing his d*ck onto me for 2-4 minutes. I tried to fight back but he overpowered me. After he left, I cried like 15 minutes in that cabin. I shared the incident with others but noone understood. I was hurt because I trusted him so much with my future.
Then, I started having panic attacks. I stopped sleeping completely. I was in manic phase. I used to cry alone that time. I felt lonely and hurt. I used to say hurtful things to others. I became a maniac. I used to humiliate that director Infront of others. I was just asking for an apology. I hated him from the core of my heart. Then I was in a relationship. He tried to harass my girlfriend as well. After few months, my gf went home and I didn't know how to handle my emotions anymore. I was suicidal I was totally devastated. I don't know but I heard rumours that he manipulated my gf to go to her home so that I can focus on my studies because he thought I could bring a world rank for that college.
I was totally tired emotionally. I left everything and went home. At home, I reflected on what happened to me during that 5 months. I felt suicidal and then I committed suicide. I was in coma for three days. Then I started showing symptoms of borderline personality disorder.
After 4 months, with one female teacher I shared everything. I exposed him in front of everyone.
Then comes the manipulation. He threatened me to put in jain. Tried to asissinate my character saying I was mad. He used to deliberately call my boss at that time and say ugly things about me. At that time, I used to stay at hostel. I had to change three hostels in a week because he would on purpose try to defame me in hostel. Even after some months, he tried to keep an eye on me because he was scared that I would file a case against him.
Ever since, I haven't been able to stay completely sane. I have been to mental hospital two times and I am on medication. I don't know how to get over it. Except few male friends, I can't trust men. Even when I get into relationship, I cannot fully commit. It has been 4 years Tara Pani I haven't healed. Herda sano Kura lagxa, Tara tyo sano umer ma it was a big thing for me. Still I get panic attacks when I remember that incident. Everyone has moved on with their life except me.