I love to learn theres honestly nothing I would do except learn if that was allowed I mean I can do it
but every since 9th grade, in which I went thru some really horrible things that I did not want to do but had to
I am wrecked both self esteem wise , mind wise, wisdom wise I am completely wrecked
now I cant, I cannot however much I try study , its like my entire being is against me
I cannot exist like this , torn between the reason I exist and not being capable of doing it.
I feel like there is something in me, something not welcomed, at first I thought it was had adhd but I really didnt have any such symptoms prior to eight grade , now I am baffled
the only thing that has been something positive since 8th is that I have developed an ability to look at my thoughts, I have realised I am not my thoughts, but this has lead to me being completely detached from everything
its all like a void now , I cant feel anything, I watch everything I hold most dearly being stripped away from me but I dont feel anything I hate myself now